Good News! I passed my MA Comprehensive Exam! I know it's been a few weeks, but my three classes are demanding now that the semester is winding down! I have no time to blog, but here it is anyway.
This MA Comprehensive Exam was one of the hardest things I've experienced during my academic career! But there's one thing about the whole thing that really bothers me: I really hate (maybe hate is too strong of a word) that people said, "of course you passed. I knew you would" or something to that effect. Or they would say before the exam, "stop worrying, you'll do fine. You're smart, etc." Passing this exam was definitely not a given, no matter what people think about my capabilities or past achievements. Three people out of eight did not pass. I know it's rare to fail, but it's really rare to have three people fail in one semester. I knew about these fails before I went in for my oral part of the examination. I was so freaked! I knew that passing was not a done deal! Here's how it played out:
Monday, October 25 from noon to 4:00 pm: Four essays in four hours. This was so hard because we didn't know the prompts beforehand. It was all a surprise, and we had to think fast and type fast. I went to class after, and I played in my pool league that night. What a day!
Tuesday, October 26: I cried in the morning because I couldn't stop thinking about the essays. I felt they were awful, and I was embarrassed that three very esteemed professors were reading them. I wallowed in self pity all day, and then I went to class.
Wednesday, October 27: I studied all day to get ready for my oral examination on Thursday. On my way to class that night, I saw Robert right after his oral examination. He failed! He was the last person I expected to fail. I've had several classes with him, and I've always been impressed with what he has to say during class. I was devastated for him, and I was totally confused that he didn't pass. I spent the evening completely distracted and sick to my stomach (yes, I still went to class).
Thursday, October 28: I spent all morning frantically studying. My oral was at 3:00, so I got to campus around 1:30. I just sat there feeling sick. Right before the exam, I went up to the English Department and talked to Reina. That's when I found out about the other two fails. I just wanted to run away! At 3:00, I went in front of three professors (doctors) and defended my essays and answered questions (everything on my reading list was fair game). At 4:00, I went out of the room and waited while they discussed my performance and if I should pass or fail! Ack! It only took about eight minutes, but it felt like an hour. When Dr. Lopez opened that door and said, "congratulations!" I was so happy! It's over! Wow, I couldn't stop grinning. What a relief. I had no idea how I would have told Ken I didn't pass. Thank goodness that call was filled with happy news instead! He said he had the phone right there waiting for me to call. I happen to know for sure that he was very relieved it was over--mostly because I was such a mess, and I definitely drove him crazy.
This process was so intense, and passing was not a given--no matter what kind of student I am or how many good grades I have made or how many books I
have read. I could have blanked out or froze up or whatever because oral examinations are not the norm. I had no idea how I would react in that setting. Thankfully, I was prepared (I read and analyzed everything on my reading list), and I was able to remain calm throughout. I stumbled a few times, but the professors nudged me along because they could tell I knew the works--but it's hard to know EVERYTHING. If you blank out or say, "I don't know" too many times, they can't help you. Even though I was prepared and was able to hold up my end of the "conversation," I never lost sight of the fact that I was being examined. I was comfortable, but I was never fully relaxed. I talked a lot, I was honest when I was unsure of something, and I showed enthusiasm. That hour was a beast, but it went fast. Whew!
My reading list consisted of 53 authors with 129 individual works (novels, poetry, speeches, and essays). I spent about a year preparing by reading, rereading, and analyzing so that I could write about and discuss it all intelligently, make connections between works, and write and talk about the works in specific contexts (historical, thematic, and genre). This whole process, especially the week before and the week of the exam took a lot out of me--emotionally, psychologically, and physically (I cried, I felt stupid, and I lost weight). But it's over, and I passed, and I never want to go through that again!
