Time to Reflect, Time to Move on

Good News! I passed my MA Comprehensive Exam! I know it's been a few weeks, but my three classes are demanding now that the semester is winding down! I have no time to blog, but here it is anyway.

This MA Comprehensive Exam was one of the hardest things I've experienced during my academic career! But there's one thing about the whole thing that really bothers me: I really hate (maybe hate is too strong of a word) that people said, "of course you passed. I knew you would" or something to that effect. Or they would say before the exam, "stop worrying, you'll do fine. You're smart, etc." Passing this exam was definitely not a given, no matter what people think about my capabilities or past achievements. Three people out of eight did not pass. I know it's rare to fail, but it's really rare to have three people fail in one semester. I knew about these fails before I went in for my oral part of the examination. I was so freaked! I knew that passing was not a done deal! Here's how it played out:

Monday, October 25 from noon to 4:00 pm: Four essays in four hours. This was so hard because we didn't know the prompts beforehand. It was all a surprise, and we had to think fast and type fast. I went to class after, and I played in my pool league that night. What a day!

Tuesday, October 26: I cried in the morning because I couldn't stop thinking about the essays. I felt they were awful, and I was embarrassed that three very esteemed professors were reading them. I wallowed in self pity all day, and then I went to class.

Wednesday, October 27: I studied all day to get ready for my oral examination on Thursday. On my way to class that night, I saw Robert right after his oral examination. He failed! He was the last person I expected to fail. I've had several classes with him, and I've always been impressed with what he has to say during class. I was devastated for him, and I was totally confused that he didn't pass. I spent the evening completely distracted and sick to my stomach (yes, I still went to class).

Thursday, October 28: I spent all morning frantically studying. My oral was at 3:00, so I got to campus around 1:30. I just sat there feeling sick. Right before the exam, I went up to the English Department and talked to Reina. That's when I found out about the other two fails. I just wanted to run away! At 3:00, I went in front of three professors (doctors) and defended my essays and answered questions (everything on my reading list was fair game). At 4:00, I went out of the room and waited while they discussed my performance and if I should pass or fail! Ack! It only took about eight minutes, but it felt like an hour. When Dr. Lopez opened that door and said, "congratulations!" I was so happy! It's over! Wow, I couldn't stop grinning. What a relief. I had no idea how I would have told Ken I didn't pass. Thank goodness that call was filled with happy news instead! He said he had the phone right there waiting for me to call. I happen to know for sure that he was very relieved it was over--mostly because I was such a mess, and I definitely drove him crazy.

This process was so intense, and passing was not a given--no matter what kind of student I am or how many good grades I have made or how many books I have read. I could have blanked out or froze up or whatever because oral examinations are not the norm. I had no idea how I would react in that setting. Thankfully, I was prepared (I read and analyzed everything on my reading list), and I was able to remain calm throughout. I stumbled a few times, but the professors nudged me along because they could tell I knew the works--but it's hard to know EVERYTHING. If you blank out or say, "I don't know" too many times, they can't help you. Even though I was prepared and was able to hold up my end of the "conversation," I never lost sight of the fact that I was being examined. I was comfortable, but I was never fully relaxed. I talked a lot, I was honest when I was unsure of something, and I showed enthusiasm. That hour was a beast, but it went fast. Whew!

My reading list consisted of 53 authors with 129 individual works (novels, poetry, speeches, and essays). I spent about a year preparing by reading, rereading, and analyzing so that I could write about and discuss it all intelligently, make connections between works, and write and talk about the works in specific contexts (historical, thematic, and genre). This whole process, especially the week before and the week of the exam took a lot out of me--emotionally, psychologically, and physically (I cried, I felt stupid, and I lost weight). But it's over, and I passed, and I never want to go through that again!

Almost and a Day

I know I said I wouldn't blog until after my MA Comprehensive Exam on October 25 (written) and October 28 (oral), but I've decided to relax on this fine Saturday evening. I thought I would enjoy a delicious cup of green tea and spend a few minutes posting this unexpected update. Every day and night, I'm either doing schoolwork, studying for the exam, or playing pool. I'm in desperate need of a night off!

I have a scant two weeks before the exam, and I'm strangely calm. I have been inundated with work for my three classes in addition to preparing for the exam. Thankfully, I have been keeping up with the schoolwork, and I have taken the time to meet with other students to study for the exam. I readily admit that my energy, enthusiasm, and strange calmness comes from God. I know I can't do this without Him, so I pray constantly. It's how it must and will be.

I hope I'm still calm at noon on the 25th, and I hope those four essays in four hours are passworthy!

O! The Insanity of it All

With taking three classes that are reading/writing intensive, studying/preparing for the MA Comp Exam on October 25 (yes, I'm freaked!), and participating in three different pool leagues each week. . . well, let's just say I'm going to take a little break from blogging and pretty much everything else.

Stay tuned. I'll be back after my big exam.

Being Grateful During a Not So Gratifying Week

This week has been sucky!

Okay, I did win my 9-ball match on Monday, but the week went downhill after that. Maybe it's because it's the last week before my last semester starts next Wednesday. Maybe it's because I had my annual checkup on Tuesday. Yuk! Necessary and important, I know. But, yuk. Maybe it's because I spent an obscene amount of money on books for these last three classes. Maybe it's because a friend's dad died this week. Maybe it's because I have recently realized that some people I have called friends over the years are really just acquaintances.

It's probably all of these things rolled up together. I'm bothered that I'm bothered to the degree that I'm bothered (huh?) because it's not my nature to be down or depressed for any length of time. I'm half full, truly! I am the first person to shout to the world that I have a lot of reasons to be grateful!

I guess I've just been bombarded this week by a whole lot of turbulence--unexpected and not so unexpected.

I need to turn my attitude around so that I focus only on this week's wonderful things rather than on the sucky things. Easier said than done, but I will try . . .

Actually, I feel a little better after typing out my woes. Blogging is therapeutic!

A Not-So-New Student

I haven't felt like blogging all week--but I have this here goal on my Day Zero list to blog at least once a week. I have been doing just that for quite some time now, and I even have a couple of topics just waiting to be blogged about:

• We went to Ken's high school reunion last weekend, so I want to blog about that (with lots of pictures). But not today
• Doreen, my wonderful friend, is moving to Albany, NY soon, so I want to blog about that. But not today

I guess today I will just mention a little something that's been shoving me in the back, propelling me forward. My last semester as a grad student starts in less than two weeks. My goal this summer was to have everything read or reread that's on my MA Comprehensive Exam reading list (exam is on October 25) before the first day of the semester. I'm almost there! Despite my tendency to procrastinate, I haven't spent the summer unwisely. I have read a lot of stuff.

I think what I really want to say is that I'm excited to start this last semester, but I'm reluctant as well. I'm ready to graduate, but I'm not ready to end my time as a student (what a ride!). What in the world will the future bring? I don't know, but I will trust God to make sure my path is true.

My Immediate Goal: I will do everything I can to enjoy this last semester so that I can get the most out of these remaining days as a not-so-new student. Here I go!

Shutterbug

Well, we finally got the last of our shutters installed yesterday. We now have six beautifully adorned windows!

This is our very large window in the master bedroom. We had some sheer curtains and nothing on the arch. I actually like to look out the window when I wake up as well as admire the stars through the arch at night, but it was time to put up something more substantial. As you can see, the arch is extremely large, so the shutter for it came in two pieces. I'm glad we had professionals install these things.

The arch/shutters over the doorway were also installed yesterday. I like that this small window now has a finished look. On the other hand, we can no longer peek through the window to see if the wasps that survived Ken's toxic ambush are rebuilding their nests on the porch ceiling. You can see the other arch and window to the left.

The guest room got shutters yesterday as well. Now guests don't have to wake up with the sun!

The third bedroom, the dining room, and the study/office kicked off the shutter extravaganza last year, and the master bedroom, second bedroom, and window over the door finished the process yesterday. Whew, finally.

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It looks like the shutters are white, but they are actually a pearl color. Is there a difference? Not really, but the color matches our bookshelves and columns in the study as well as the ceiling color throughout the house. Subtle, I know, but it's the little things that tie a look together. In addition to looking fantastic, these shutters are functional as they do a fabulous job keeping out the heat of the sun as well as the cool air in the winter.

It only took us 15 years to take the big plunge to spend the money on these good quality and very delightful window treatments, but it was worth the wait. I have always liked to have a lot of natural light in our house, so it's nice to have shutters that I can adjust to let in just the right amount of lovely light from the great outdoors.

Home is my favorite place, and a few improvements here and there, now and then, make it so cozy.

A Life Filled With What's Important

I didn't log in to Facebook last week. The initiative to "unplug" from electronic time fillers and to plug into other positive things such as nature and reading came from my stepdaughter's church: Vineyard Community Church. I enthusiastically decided to join in, and I chose to give up checking Facebook for a whole week unless someone sent me a message that required an immediate response.

The result: I didn't miss Facebook. This doesn't mean I don't want to use Facebook--it just means I don't need a daily (hourly?) dose of social onslaught. I was able to confirm that I can use Facebook sparingly and still reap the benefits of staying connected. This was exciting and enlightening! Thank you, Jennifer! Thank you for sharing this experience with me.

I did utilize Goodreads a little more last week while I was unplugged from Facebook. Even though Goodreads is an electronic tool (hey, so is Blogger), I like that I can track what I read and what I want to read. I thoroughly enjoy using this wonderful site to enter or to update book information as well as to see what my friends are reading. Gotta love that!

On another note, I deleted my Twitter account. While many people find this social media tool fun and necessary to stay connected, I don't see any value in it for me personally. I never use Twitter, and I don't want to log in and watch tweets go by all day long. Ditto for Myspace: not needed. not wanted. goodbye.

I will continue to use Facebook on an as-needed basis so I can stay close to my family and friends. Facebook has become a powerful, global means to maintain connectivity . . . and it works for me--as long as I continue to recognize its value and don't allow it to strangle the other important aspects out of my life such as face-to-face interaction, learning, household chores, rest, recreational activities, reading, nature, and daily prayer.

Life is so much more interesting and meaningful when it's filled and balanced with what's important.

Please, Tread on Me

An impression of a leaf in concrete: who cares? I do, actually. This image can be amazing even though many might never take the moment to observe and to admire its simplicity. To me, this humble leaf cast in concrete represents the past, the present, and the future.

The past is fairly obvious. An image that boldly says, "I existed." This little leaf served its purpose to provide shelter, shade, and oxygen. The solitary leaf was then chosen to remain "alive" long after life has left in order to serve a new and lasting purpose.

The present is represented through the concrete that contains the leafy memory. Cement that humankind has perfected over time and uses almost everywhere. A firm matter that makes modern life easier, cleaner, starker. The leaf image provides a very small amount of softness and beauty to an otherwise utilitarian path.

Where is the future in all this? The invisible footprints that remain on the unassuming image track the future as the living advance to and fro into life's journey. The future is in the young and the old, human and beast, who run, skip, plod, shuffle, and tread on this imprint of the past preserved in the substance of the present.

Don't overlook nature when you venture into God's wondrous world, even nature that is preserved by humankind. Never discount the simple, the small, and the obscure that can possibly make you smile, cry, laugh, or ponder. This shade of a bygone leaf may not produce high emotion in the breast of the casual observer, but it can create a lasting impression on the soul if we allow it to penetrate the armor that is our distracted and busy lives. Admiration is free and takes but a moment.

I lived in the past * I dwell in the present * I uphold the future.

Blushing Beauty

Almost time to harvest this cute little Roma tomato.

Here are some more that will hopefully turn the same lovely shade of red.

Here's a different one. I like that even tomatoes don't always feel the need to conform completely.

Summertime!

Faster Than a Speeding Bullet

That's how fast this summer is moving: faster than a speeding bullet. July is almost half finished, and I am so not ready for August. The end of August means school and my last semester as a grad student. As I approach this final semester, I am excited, sad, scared, apprehensive, exhilarated, and sleepy.

The end of August also means my MA Comprehensive Exam will be right around the corner, which I have been preparing for by reading a lot this summer. I don't feel, however, that I have done enough or that I have always used this precious summer time wisely. I really need to kick it into a much higher gear . . . starting now!

Summer won't last forever, and speeding bullets must eventually land. Ready?