I Am Here, Take My Hand

I recently read Stephen King's latest wonder, Doctor Sleep. This book is a follow up on The Shining. Whatever happened to Danny Torrance? In addition to watching The Shining, I have also read the book.  I almost always prefer the book over the movie. I think a lot of fellow readers would agree with me on this.

I liked several things about Doctor Sleep. I'm glad it wasn't nearly as scary as The Shining. I can do scary, but I like the way King handled Danny's life after the Overlook Hotel fiasco. Yes, the True Knot in Doctor Sleep is made up of some very freaky people doing terrifying things to those with a bit of shine. And Hollywood would probably fright show it up more than what comes across in the book. That's okay. People like to be scared. People like good versus evil. I would love to go on about all the goods and all the evils in this book. I digress.

This blog post isn't intended to be a book review. I want to focus on an element in Doctor Sleep that I found quite thought provoking. We all know that Dan (he's all grown up from his Danny days) has the shining and is way more perceptive than the average bear. Dan is imperfect and scarred after his terrifying ordeal in Colorado. Doctor Sleep depicts Dan's journey into the adult world of alcohol, bad choices, regrets, new beginnings, new friends, and family. Danny uses his shining gift in a beautiful and touching way. He works in a hospice (hot spice, love that), and he eases the dying; he guides them and comforts them as they breathe their last. 

Stephen King presents a flawed hero who shows incredible patience with these ebbing, frail beings. Dan's gentleness as he wipes their faces and whispers bits of nostalgia gleaned from their tired bodies is both touching and inspiring. He gives them the only things they need in their last human moment on earth: compassion, understanding, reassurance, and a calm command to simply fall asleep.

When everyone bustles to fix the world's problems (including dying) with money, prestige, drugs, or false hope, can we be that selfless person who knows when a gentle touch and a kind word are all that is needed? Can we be that person who is just there?

Dan Torrance a.k.a. Doctor Sleep inspires me to be that person. 

I don't have the shining (although I have had double dreaming/false awakening a time or two), but I don't need extra or special powers to offer my hand to fellow life and death travelers.

"Death was no less a miracle than birth."

Thank you Mr. King for another great read!

Two Truths and a Lie

"The best lies to tell are the ones people want to believe."

This is an interesting quote from Jasper Fforde's Shades of Grey (not the 50 kind, thank goodness).

Interesting because it is both positive and negative. I'm always spotting contradictions because I'm always searching for balance. Balance is the key to getting through the moment, through the day, through life.

Contradictions mimic a scale: two opposing things battling for weight, the spotlight. Let's examine the contradictions in the above quote so that we can savor the balance.

Best and Lies: Can lies, in their very nature, be called best? We are taught right from wrong, and we are taught that lying is bad; lies lead to trouble. They create a tangled web that ensnares and then dumps us into embarrassing (or worse) situations. Does a best lie exist? If a lie is best, does that make it okay to use? Is silence a lie?

Lies and Believe: If told cleverly, a lie is easily believed. Is this really a contradiction? I think it is. If someone doesn't believe, is it really a lie?  We can believe in lies, but we can also believe in truths. Confusing, isn't it? That's why I like contradictions. They create thought. They create questions, and questions lead to debate, and debate leads to answers or even to more questions. Don't stop questioning the contradictions. Don't stop questioning the lies and the truths.

The quote tells us that people want lies if the truth is unthinkable, unbearable, unflattering. This may apply to many, but not to me. I prefer the truth. Yes, the truth can be ugly, but deception and self deception are far worse. Don't lie to me to spare my feelings. I have developed a steely armor against such shenanigans. But this is a digression. 

Where is the balance in this quote?

People and Believe: We can believe in people, but we don't always believe people. Sounds sneakily like a contradiction! You're getting there! It's hard to determine how many lies are flung at us throughout our day. I would like to think most people are honest or at least considerate enough to keep silent. This doesn't make me gullible, it makes me hopeful. I know people lie, but I want to believe you because I believe in you:

If you open your mouth and a lie snakes out, I will believe you.
If you open your mouth and a truth wings out, I will believe you.

You decide which path to trod, which lie to tell, which truth to reveal. You decide when silence is golden.

Did you spot my contradiction? It's there. I contradicted myself on purpose because it's my blog, and I'm allowed. Actually, I contradicted myself because that's how life is sometimes. Never look at just one side, and never think that one side is completely right or completely wrong. It's a muddle, and life is a beautiful mess of contradictions and balance.

*******

If you want to be saturated with contradictions and balance, read A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens.

It's a New Day!

It has been almost a year since I last blogged. I'm not sure why I stopped because I have definitely enjoyed this creative outlet in the past. Many things have occurred since last April, but I don't think I will list it all right now because that would be boring for everyone, including me. I think I would like to reflect and sift out what has made an impression on me lately. It's so easy to focus only on the big things and push aside those little things that happen over the course of a year. It's often those unassuming moments that have the greatest impact.

I will say that I'm working again. I am now an Assistant Editor. I like the way that sounds. While I have mixed emotions, I am quite happy at the moment with the way 2013 is moving along. My goal right now is simple: I want to enjoy every single moment of every day. That's not too much to ask...right?

Right!

I think I will keep this entry short and call it my reappearance into the blogger world. I do believe I'm ready to be here once again.

It's a new day!

Dear Diary

I was cleaning out a drawer this afternoon, and I found a diary that I wrote in during the early 90s. I can't believe how immature and silly I sound in this book. So much drama! The last time I wrote in this little book was 2003, but the postings were very sporadic after 1995. I'm not very consistent with stuff like that. I guess life gets in the way of keeping a regular diary.

Writing down secret thoughts and feelings can be cathartic, but it can also be a little embarrassing. I would hate for anyone (especially Ken) to read what I wrote back then. I even felt uncomfortable reading it just now. It was like I was reading someone else's diary because it sure didn't sound like me on those pages. I still feel a little bit weird and out of sorts.

What about blogging? Blogging isn't anything like keeping a diary. With blogging, you know someone might read your stuff, so that puts some restraint on what gets posted. Diaries are meant to be completely private. Anything goes! Do they even make those diaries with the cheap locks anymore?

I'm a different person now than I was back in 1992-1994 (when I kept most of that diary). I always tell myself that I haven't changed much over the years (personality wise), but that's obviously not true. I think I'm a more confident person now, but maybe I have just traded those old insecurities for new ones.

That diary has given me some food for thought. Who am I? How much do I really change as the years go by? I am in a contemplative mood as I think about my 47th birthday tomorrow. I hope I am a mature, secure, and confident woman these days because I wouldn't use these adjectives to describe myself back then.

Life can be strange and lovely and filled with events and moments that keep us always moving forward.

Reading Cat

I'm pretty much in love with this picture! A big Thank You to The Entertaining Elf for posting this!

Lent 2012

While I don't give up something during Lent, I do like to do something extra during this very important time of reflection and spiritual growth.

I have set some very specific goals to be accomplished (hopefully) by Easter, but I will only mention one of those goals here. I like to spend Lent focusing on a specific verse or passage from the bible. Here is what I have chosen for 2012:

From that place he went off to the district of Tyre. He entered a house and wanted no one to know about it, but he could not escape notice. Soon, a woman heard about him. She came and fell at his feet. The woman was a Greek, a Syrophoenician by birth, and she begged him to drive the demon out of her daughter. He said to her, "Let the children be fed first. For it is not right to take the food of the children and throw it to the dogs." She replied and said to him, "Lord, even the dogs under the table eat the children's scraps." Then he said to her, "For saying this, you may go. The demon has gone out of your daughter." When the woman went home, she found the child lying in bed with the demon gone. ~ Mark 7:24-30

I am in awe of this woman's persistence and faith because she could have slunk off at such a rebuke. I want mostly to reflect on the attitudes of both the woman and Jesus. How can this apply to me? Do I give up my prayers too easily when I don't get a response fast enough or if the response is not what I want? Is God's "silence" or unwanted response because God has other plans or because my faith is not strong or what? This should make for an interesting reflection.

Happy Lent 2012!

Movies 2012

1. Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy--January 16
2. Red Tails--January 28
3. Safe House--February 11

***

Movies 2011
Movies 2010
Movies 2009

Happy First Day of 2012!

I have a lot to be thankful for, and I pray God brings us many blessings as well as courage and strength to get through any hard times.

Maybe I'll start blogging again. I'm not really sure why I fizzled out during the year in the blogging arena, but there it is. I sort of lost interest in several things last year, so I will try to do a little galvanization.

We have a pretty big Europe trip planned for summer (more on that later). Our passports expire in June, but I have already sent away for new ones. For once I didn't procrastinate! Yes, I also often procrastinate on the positive and fun things...weird.

But what I really want to accomplish this year is to find a job that I love...or at least like in a strong way. I need to sit down and reevaluate my situation and options during this first month of 2012.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. First things first: take down the Christmas tree. Hello, 2012!

Buona Sera, Ragazzi!

It's been four years since I spent a month in Italy, so that means it's been four years since I have officially spoken any significant amount of Italian. I am very ashamed to admit that I have not practiced at all, and I have forgotten so much. The desire, however, for everything Italian is still tucked away inside my heart. I do believe it's time to get back on that international horse because I have no intention of giving up such a beautiful language!

Who is with me in reawakening (or learning) the Italian language? Who will embark with me on a language journey that will never end; a journey that will include a trip to Italy where we can dress, act, and speak Italian with aplomb!

Who's in? Let's begin our journey together, right here and right now!

Firenze, Italia

We'll start at the beginning:

***
Buon Giorno (hello)
Come ti chiami? (what is your name?)
Mi chiamo Ruthie (my name is Ruthie)

***

Stay tuned!

Shades of Summer

No, I'm not talking about ghosts that haunt summertime, although there might be some lurking. I love shade, and we finally put a lid on our deck! We chose the metal louvered slats rather than the canvas retractable cover because it's sleeker and should last longer. I love the clean lines and the shadiness these slats provide (I have a love/hate relationship with the sun--love because it's necessary for life, hate because it can be deadly mean).

We opted for the manual operation only because we would need two motors (we have a large deck) and each motor costs $500. Ridiculous, I say. I can turn a crank like nobody's business! Besides, one less thing that uses electricity is okay in my book.

The summer sun is so brutal and relentless, so this project is long overdue. Here's a peek at our new covering for our now very enjoyable deck. I offer a couple of views of it opened and closed. You can see the crank (to the left) in this first picture. It can be removed and stowed if desired.

Here's a picture that shows that the cover is split into two sections, and we can control each side separately.

***
And here are two random deck pictures:

Our new deck box to hide all the necessary yet unattractive deck stuff.

Limes! sort of...

Thanks for hanging out on our shady deck! Would you like some lime in your iced tea?

Wake Up and Say Thank You!

I'm okay, but things could have gone in a different direction. I've hesitated in blogging because I'm not sure I have completely sorted out my thoughts and feelings on what could have been.

I had to have a biopsy of some clustered calcification in my right breast (near the chest wall). Turns out it's fibrocystic changes, which is a good thing, relatively speaking. I've had cysts for several years now, but so far they've not been a problem. During my April mammogram, they discovered this cluster of calcium deposits, which they called "area of concern" in my letter, and my doctor called it "complications" when she phoned me. I remained calm, cool, and collected...mostly. After some research, I found out that calcification is not normally a cause for alarm if the calcium deposits are scattered. If they're clustered...well...they can only tell what the cluster is hiding by doing a biopsy. What they discover could be benign, precancerous, or malignant.

My biopsy on Thursday, May 5 was a core needle biopsy that included leaving in a marker for future mammograms. The procedure, however, was a little more involved than I expected. I was really frightened going in because it was all so foreign to me, but I put on a brave face for Ken. There's a continuous mammogram or x-ray to make sure they're on target, a small incision, and some blood--enough said. Oh, and there's pain after the local wears off.

The hard part is the waiting and wondering, but on the following Tuesday, my doctor called to tell me I'm fine. Whew!

I prayed a lot, and I was preparing myself for the different scenarios. The verdict I got was definitely the best case scenario. I'm blessed, but I'm not off the hook. I have decided to treat this as a wake up call. My health in general is very good but definitely not perfect. I can do better. I may not have much control over future calcification of the breast since, in my case, it's all part of growing old up, but I can do more to maintain my good health.

I've had four friends who have survived breast cancer in recent years (one was just last year). One of these friends (maybe more, but she's the only one I asked) had clustered calcification. Throughout this whole ordeal, I kept telling myself that I'm not exempt. I can get sick just like anyone else. I prayed for healing, but I also prayed for courage and strength for myself and my family to handle come what may. This wake up call involves taking better care of my body and my soul. It's time to take stock of my physical situation and figure out a game plan to at least try to keep what might have been from becoming what is. And I can never neglect my spiritual armour because the fate of my soul is what counts in the end.

Life is a gift to be received with gratitude and thanksgiving...every day.

Green is Such a Lovely Color

I found a company that delivers Fresh Local Organic Produce--right to my front door! This company is called Greenling, and it's based out of Austin, Texas. In addition to providing a lot of produce from local farms, Greenling also has many non-produce items such as milk and eggs as well as non-food stuff (I haven't checked everything out yet because so far I'm just interested in local organic produce). You can do almost all of your shopping this way, and there's no extra charge for delivery! Check out the website here to learn how a young college guy started the whole thing. So cool!

I stumbled upon all of this on Saturday and liked what I saw, so I decided to give it a try! The set delivery day for our area is Tuesday. That's today! I decided to go the easy route and choose the Local Box. This bin contains fresh local produce, and the selection obviously changes weekly. For this week, here's what I got:

• Spring Lettuce Mix from Tecolote Farm
• Carrots from Acadian Family Farm
• Chard from Bradshaw
• Brussels Sprouts from Hillside Farm
• Summer Squash from Acadian Family Farm
• Yukon Potatoes from Green Gate Farm
• Flat Leaf Parsley from Tecolote
• Heirloom Tomatoes from Bluebonnet Hydroponic
• Mango from G&S Grove
• Crisp Green Leaf Lettuce from Lund Produce

Here's a picture:

click on the picture for a larger view

At first I thought some of it was kind of skimpy. But after contemplating for a little while, I realized that it's probably just right. I sometimes end up throwing food out because I don't get to it in time. This is one way to have just the right amount. Besides, If I know I will need more of an item, I can request it ahead of time. There are other types of boxes to choose from, and you can build your own if you want only specific items. Although, I kind of like the randomness of the Local Box.

One of the many nice things about this company is that there are no contracts to commit to. You can order whenever and whatever you want. I only signed up for this week's delivery because I wanted to see how it all works. I haven't tasted anything yet, but I'm already thinking about ordering next week's box. I also plan to go to the grocery store tomorrow to price these things as a comparison--just out of curiosity since I know organic local food can cost a bit more. Either way, using Greenling is a fun and healthy way to eat my fruits and veggies as well as support local farms and help the environment. All good things!

Oh yeah, the box contains a list of what's in there as well as recipe suggestions. How helpful! They also gave me (as a welcome, I guess) a bumper sticker.

I'm so excited! Now I need to decide how I want to use everything this week.

Buon Appetito!

Rejoice!

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice in it and be glad.

~ Psalm 118:24

Christ is Risen!

Alleluia! Allelluia!

Marking the Unremarkable

For some odd reason the image of my art class back in high school popped into my head. What? This was. . . okay, I'll just say it. . . almost 30 years ago! Gasp! Double Gasp! Has it really been that long? Certainly, it does feels like years ago, but not that many years. Whatever, I'm okay with that.

Anyway, I can actually smell the smells of that art room: paint, pastels, charcoal. What's your pleasure? Mine was pen and ink--making small dots all over the page a bazillion times and discovering glory and triumph in the picture that slowly, painstakingly emerges. What a rush! Only it isn't a rush. That's what I always liked about that medium--it's methodical and takes absolutely forever. There's no instant gratification there, but the process is pure tedium and irresistible. Weird, I know. But this is what I like: mundane, everyday, process, life in the making. It's easy to love the moments of excitement--moments that are like no other and that anchor your memories and illustrate your story. What about the unremarkable moments? Don't they deserve notice or perhaps a few dots of ink?

Trudging, plodding, breathing. . . these are the moments I treasure and draw slowly and lovingly on the flawed plains of my heart. I exist outside the spectacular. I am ordinary. I am a former artist that still is.

Are Turkey Vultures Beautiful?

I have always been attracted and repulsed by buzzards, so I was a little excited when I had a brief encounter with some turkey vultures living in a nearby park.

Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder when it comes to these birds. I don't think I can call them exactly beautiful, but I will say they have a certain grotesque majesty.

This one and another flew out of this cave when I approached. Their heavily flapping wings startled me, but I think I startled them a lot more. I don't think they were too happy to be disturbed. Apparently, they hang out in this cave to keep cool.

I suppose I can say I'm attracted to these weird birds because they have such a singular purpose in life, and they fulfill that purpose oh so very thoroughly. Ah! therein lies their beauty! The earth needs these blushing cleaners, and who am I to begrudge them when their only goal in life is to fulfill the purpose that God has chosen for them.

Carry on with your carrion, noble buzzards!

***
The park is called Stone Oak Park, and there were other things here besides turkey vultures. I didn't walk everywhere because I want to save some for another day.

I don't believe this dead oak tree will provide enough shade for anyone who decides to take a breather on that bench, especially when the temperature soars over 100°F.

Here is an interesting way to mark the miles.

A place to rest.

Obviously, the day was very beautiful with a mildly cool breeze every so often. Nice, warm, and perfect for a walk in the park amid the Texas flora and fauna.

A New Lenten Practice

For the past few years, I have not only given up meat every day during Lent, I have also carried the no meat on Friday practice beyond the Lenten season. While I am abstaining from meat only on Fridays this Lent, I do plan to continue this practice throughout the year because it causes me to reflect on Christ's sacrifice and suffering.

I have decided to incorporate something new to my Lenten experience. I have chosen a passage in the bible to reflect upon until Easter Sunday. The passage I have chosen is from the Gospel According to Luke. It is about Mary and Martha at the end of chapter ten.

As they continued their journey he entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. She had a sister named Mary who sat beside the Lord at this feet listening to him speak. Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me." The Lord said to her in reply, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her." ~ Luke 10:38-42 (NAB)

Since Lent is well under way, I have already begun breaking down this very short passage and reflecting on its overall meaning as well as its meaning in my life at this particular time. I look forward to Easter when I can share my observations and how this activity has benefited my Lenten experience. I'm excited to focus on such a small portion of scripture (forty days is a long time to reflect on a few sentences). While I have read the Bible, and I have attended Bible study, this will be the first time I actually spend so much time on one part.

Hello, God! I'm listening!

Moonlight Walk Concerto Number 5

On this beautiful spring day, I decided to take a break and sit on the backyard deck for a few minutes. I purposely engaged in total disconnection from our electronic age and total connection to the sounds that exist on the fringes of my consciousness right in my own backyard. This is a good way to develop the habit of mindful relaxation and awareness, and I hope I will do this more often.

Here is what I heard as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes:

• The wind rushing with gusto through the tree tops
• A multitude of birds communicating their joy to be alive
• The strange whirring of grasshoppers
• The echoing bark of a faraway dog
• Water dripping from a potted plant
• Buzzing bees that prefer to be left alone
• The deep-toned peal of the neighbor's wind chime
• The resonant rumble of a distant car
• Rustling leaves as occasional wind gusts propel them to new locations
• My own heartbeat

 Music to my ears and a symphony in my soul!

What do you hear when you sit in your backyard?

A Warm Prayer with Pockets

My church, Holy Trinity Catholic Church, has a ministry called Hugs Ministry. The latest project is knitted or crocheted prayer shawls for people who are ill and need a little hug from God as well as from loving parishioners.

I finally started knitting a prayer shawl! Here's a picture of it in the beginning stage. The color is called Mixed Berry, and it is a very uplifting color. I know it appears to be small, but it is folded under, so it's not stretched out to the full 20 inches. It will eventually be 20" x 60" with a pocket at each end. Warm, comforting, and useful!

Previously for this ministry, we made baby blankets for unwed mothers. I really enjoy making blankets, so I made two: see them here.

I'm looking forward to finishing this project, but I love the process as well. Each time I pick up my shawl and knit a few rows, I say a prayer for the person who will receive this homemade hug. I hope and pray my humble gift will warm that special someone with God's love.

Totally Cool Tuesday: Spring Fever

While I did have a high fever last week and over the weekend, that's not the fever I want to blog about. I'm over my random illness, so now it's time to focus on more important things such as spring cleaning, spring weather, and a touch of spring fever. Cue the visual!

After last week's freakishly freezing temperatures, I'm enjoying this much more mild weather. Don't be fooled by the "Mostly Cloudy" bit. The sun is working just fine, trust me.  Although, I actually prefer mostly cloudy.

This forecast is totally cool.

What do you think?

Totally Cool Tuesday: One of the Good Guys

Sidney Poitier is my favorite actor. He's a class act all around, and he's one of the few celebrities I would love to meet. He hasn't made any movies lately (he'll be 84 on February 20), but we still have many wonderful movies of his to watch and enjoy--over and over and over.

Lilies of the Field is my favorite--not only of Sidney Poitier's movies, but all movies. Mr. Poitier was the first black actor to win an Oscar, and it was for this movie (best actor in a leading role). I know why, too. He's fantastic!

I haven't seen all of his movies, but here are a few that I have seen several times:

• A Raisin in the Sun (1961)
• Lilies of the Field (1963)
• A Patch of Blue (1965)
• To Sir, with Love (1967)
• Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (1967)

Sidney Poitier is definitely one of the good guys--and not just as an actor. I have read his autobiography The Measure of a Man: A Spiritual Autobiography, 2000 (great book!), and I still need to read Life Beyond Measure: Letters to My Great-Granddaughter, 2008.

Take a few minutes to find out more about this amazing man. Maybe you'll say he's totally cool as well.

What do you think?