Inspiration Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Why in the world am I having so much trouble writing papers for school? I never did during my undergraduate years. Oh, I guess I would sometimes groan and drag my feet when told to write a paper, but once I sat down to write, the words would flow out like water. The papers now are not that much harder or challenging, yet--just simple short papers and outlines. For some strange reason, my words come out like molasses, maybe even slower. I sit down to write, and I've got nothing. I force the words out, but what I write stinks to high heaven. This isn't a case of writer's block but of indifference. I just don't feel interested. I love reading the books and discussing them in class, but I can't seem to find the energy or enthusiasm to write about them. What is wrong with me? Why is the writer in me so sluggish lately?

I need some inspiration and fast!
 Perhaps some Thin Mints will provide some relief . . . or at least provoke a much needed smile.

Fountain of Youth

Okay, so this is not really the Fountain of Youth. In addition, this fountain is not in Florida, and I am not Juan Ponce de León. It is interesting, however, to look at the bubbles at the top of the water. Don't you just want to reach out and plunge your hand into the spouting froth? The pink flowers, the hedge, and the distant landscape make a lovely layered backdrop for the bubbly white water.
Penna, Italia

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The story of the Fountain of Youth is a very interesting one, and its legend actually precedes Ponce de León. As someone who has taken two archaeology courses and is very interested in archaeology in general, I would love to visit the Fountain of Youth Archaeology Park in St. Augustine, Florida.

Building a Home

I am so excited! My church, Holy Trinity, is participating in Habitat for Humanity--we get to build a house and help a family! I love how Holy Trinity reaches out in our community in so many different ways. I am very grateful to be a part of this wonderful parish for the last eight years.

On Friday, March 6, I get to help build a house--or at least the portion we can get done in one day. I may even have another opportunity because they still need more volunteers for Fridays (most signed up for Saturdays).

This is good news!

I'll blog about my experience on March 6 . . . if I am not too tired.

Sarnano

Sarnano, Italia

This beautiful town in Italy is where we (by 'we' I mean our class of 14 students and one professor--for a Renassiance Art/Literature class) stayed for the two weeks out of the four weeks in June 2007. This picture is of the Medieval portion of the city, and I took it from the balcony of our hotel: Ai Cerchi.

You can see the railing (not the top level) where I stood and looked out at Sarnano. I took this picture from the bus window as we were leaving. Taking the picture was a last desperate attempt to stop time. I know several of us were sad that morning as we took one last look at such a lovely place.

And this is Bar Centrale! This is where Jessica, Lesslie, Andee, and I sat and enjoyed a cappuccino and pastries almost every day--and where we met our fabulous British friends. We could look out at the piazza and see the goings-on in the heart of Sarnano.

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All three pictures represent something to me. I doubt if I can explain it properly--probably because I am a little confused about it all. I love this place, and I know the other girls feel the same way. After almost two years, we still talk about it and long to return. We had already spent four semesters of Italian together, but it was this trip that brought us together as friends.

The bottom line is that I look at these pictures and I feel happy. I am happy at what these images represent - even though I am not really sure what they represent. Ken didn't join me in Italy until after we had returned to Rome (three weeks later and after Florence), but I was happy in Sarnano. That first Friday I was incredibly sad and had to be alone. I missed Ken terribly, but I managed to rally by the next morning. We were in Italy! There was no time for sadness! Even though we spent our 13th wedding anniversary apart, I was able to call Ken on my cell phone as I stood in the piazza in Sarnano--and all was good. The three-week separation made me grateful that we are together (it is always good to be reminded), and I think he felt the same--he did email me every day, and he would add at the end of each email a countdown of days until we would be together. Oh yes, he missed me!

I am not sure I would feel the same about Sarnano if I should ever have the opportunity to return. I think it was the perfect place for me to be and at the perfect time and in the role of student. And the friendships that blossomed are invaluable to me. When I look at these pictures (and many others), I am filled with calm and serenity and just plain happiness. I remember the lazy sun as we sat under that canopy at Bar Centrale and watched the small world of Sarnano go by.

We all took a step outside of real life for a very brief time, and we had an unforgettable adventure!

Taking Chances - Part Two

What do you see when you look at this picture?

Do you see a famous landmark, a narrow street surrounded by old buildings, or maybe an opportunity to take a chance?

This is another picture from Italy--Florence. Unlike the picture of that mysterious path I wrote about on 1/22 entitled "Taking Chances," I did walk here--with my class as well as by myself.

I call this "taking chances" because I did take a chance. I woke up early one morning and took a walk by myself. This probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was for me. Even with a map I have absolutely no sense of direction. I walked around and tried to look at everything and enjoy the solitude. I was a little nervous that I would get lost, so it wasn't necessarily a relaxing walk. That's okay. It was still a good thing, and I did have fun being in such a great city and wandering its ancient streets. It was an adventure!

I felt adventurous many times during that summer month in Italy in 2007, and I learned a lot about myself.

I would consider many of the things I have done these past several years adventurous. I have always loved the idea of adventure, but I have to make the effort to take chances and to be brave--and not just in traveling to foreign lands. I have learned that I could miss out on way too much if I don't swallow my shyness and just get out there and be brave.

Well, I did make it back to the hotel, and I was happy with myself. I guess if I can fly from Texas to Italy all alone and explore a foreign city all alone, I can pretty much do anything. I wasn't afraid when I walked around Florence by myself that morning, but I was definitely glad to get back to the hotel and relax with a cappuccino.

Double U

We wistfully wait and watch while wondering why we willfully, waywardly, and wretchedly wander the wide way, which wordlessly welcomes the wicked as well as the weary.

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Here is a challenge to anyone who likes words and writing and creating sentences that are maxed out on alliteration - and anyone who just likes doing silly things for no particular reason:

Pick a letter and create a sentence.

Dead Reckoning

I discovered I have been going around in circles! I thought I found something that I had been looking for, but . . .well . . . upon closer inspection, I determined it was something I had already found and discarded the day before.

Quick's the word and sharp's the action!
Beat To Quarters!


Dead Reckoning
–noun Navigation.
1. calculation of one's position on the basis of distance run on various headings since the last precisely observed position, with as accurate allowance as possible being made for wind, currents, compass errors, etc.
2. one's position as so calculated.

Taking Chances

What do you see when you look at this picture?

I took this picture in Urbisaglia, Italia in 2007. I did not go down this path because our class went the other way, but I snapped the picture on a whim as we passed by. We were on our way to see an ancient Roman theatre that man, nature, and time had reduced to grass and broken stones.

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I am glad I did not go down that delightful path because it will always retain an air of mystery. I cannot know its shadowy secrets.

Would it be nonsensical if I likened this path to the path of my life? There is a handrail for when I stumble. The brilliant verdure and a spot of reddish/pinkish color are available to brighten my struggles. Cool shade beckons and offers relief from scorching trials. There is room enough on the path for two to walk together. The way is neither smooth nor predictable . . . just like life.

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I take chances as I journey down that uncharted lane. There is uncertainty ahead, but I am not afraid because I do not walk alone. God paves my path.

What do you see when you look down that path?

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When I Try to Stand Still the Sidewalk Keeps Moving

The poem below, "Ode on a Grecian Urn" by John Keats, has helped me to view the changes that occur in my life in a more positive light. I have always secretly (and sometimes not so secretly) hated the idea of change--I have even lamented positive change just because it was new and different. I know change is inevitable, but that doesn't mean I always have to like it.

What this particular poem reveals to me is that even though I might want some things to stay the same, I shouldn't fear or shun change. I think I am finally able to accept this concept because I have been through a lot of change over many years. I am able to look back and see how important change (both good and bad) has been in my life. Some changes hurt at the time such as the end of a relationship, the end of a job, or loss and sadness of any kind. Some changes are celebrated such as a new relationship, a new job, and a new home. What I have realized is that even the seemingly negative changes have a purpose and often lead to good things or help me grow spiritually and emotionally. Looking back I can see those changes I didn't like at the time as necessary to get to situations and experiences that are good and positive. I can see how many changes can be viewed as transitions.


Case in point: my relationship with Ken. Through adversity and a whole lot of hard times, something beautiful happened! Fifteen years of marriage and counting. Our relationship is strong and wonderful because of every necessary step that brought us together and brought us to this very moment and to all future moments.

Back to the poem. You can see in stanzas 2 and 3 how beautiful it can be when things do not change: no loss, no grief - just anticipation of promised bliss and beauty that never fades. Nothing changes. This sounds so ideal! Well . . . actually . . . I don't think it's ideal at all. How do I know which moment to capture and keep the same for all eternity? What wonderful things would I miss out on if I stood still in one blissful moment? Sure, I have experienced heartache and unhappiness over the years, but O! what brilliant and remarkable things I have experienced also! I have met so many new friends, experienced so many new things, and loved so much! I willingly endure change of all sorts because those changes may lead to something delightful. And what a tragedy it would be if I were to miss anything!


Another case in point: Artemis, my beautiful baby kitty (8/15/1995 - 12/19/2006). I miss her every day. I count her death as a low point and a change I could do without, and I am still unable to think of her death without tears. But how wonderful those 11 years were when she was living in my life. Even though I had to experience the unhappy change at the end of her life, I wouldn't trade those years I did have with her for anything. Despite some sadness that still clings to her memory, I am a better person for knowing her.

I still want to stand still at times, but the world won't let me. I don't really mind too much because I know something fantastic might be just around the corner--even if I must suffer through the unwanted changes to get to it. I also refuse to miss out on something good even though it might lead to unwanted change in the future.

I can't stop change, but I can look at all change as stepping stones laid out to form my life's path.

I challenge you to read the following poem and reflect on its message just as I have done. What does it say to you?
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Ode on a Grecian Urnby John Keats (1820)
1
Thou still unravish'd bride of quietness,
Thou foster-child of silence and slow time,
Sylvan historian, who canst thus express
A flowery tale more sweetly than our rhyme:
What leaf-fring'd legend haunts about thy shape
Of deities or mortals, or of both,
In Tempe or the dales of Arcady?
What men or gods are these? What maidens loth?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy?

2
Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;
Not to the sensual ear, but, more endear'd,
Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:
Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave
Thy song, not ever can those trees be bare;
Bold lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
Though a winning near the goal - yet, do not grieve;
She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,
For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!

3
Ah, happy, happy boughs! that cannot shed
Your leaves, nor ever bid the spring adieu;
And, happy melodist, unwearied,
For ever piping songs for ever new;
More happy love! more happy, happy love!
For ever warm and still to be enjoy'd,
For ever panting, and for ever young;
All breathing human passion far above,
That leaves a heart high-sorrowful and cloy'd,
A burning forehead, and a parching tongue.

4
Who are these coming to the sacrifice?
To what green altar, O mysterious priest,
Lead'st thou that heifer lowing at the skies,
And all her silken flanks with garlands drest?
What little town by river or sea shore,
Or mountain-built with peaceful citadel,
Is emptied of this folk, this pious morn?
And, little town, thy streets for evermore
Will silent be; and not a soul to tell
Why thou art desolate, can e'er return.

5
O Attic shape! Fair attitude! with brede
Of marble men and maidens overwrought,
With forest branches and the trodden weed;
Thou, silent form, dost tease us out of thought
As doth eternity: Cold Pastoral!
When old age shall this generation waste,
Thou shalt remain, in midst of other woe
Than ours, a friend to man, to whom thou say'st,
"Beauty is truth, truth beauty," - that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

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Apollo e Dafne by Bernini

H * O * M * E

The word "home" is such a simple, unassuming little word, but the English language uses it in so many interesting ways.

• We can call home, run home, leave home, make it home okay, and come home for the holidays, but we can't go home again.
• We can be bound for home, and we can be homebound.
• We can be stay-at-home moms and dads, and we can work from home.
• Home is where the heart is, and we often believe in home sweet home.
• We can hit a home run and slide into home plate.
• Our goods can be homebaked, and our alcohol can be homebrewed.
• We can buy a home, sell a home, rent a home, design a home, build a home, raze a home, and move in to or out of a home.
• We can make a house a home.
• We can cheer for the home team at the home game, and we can pass notes during homeroom.
• We can foreclose on a home.
• We can have a home security system, but it doesn't always keep out home invaders.
• We have Homeland Security to protect our home turf.
• We can long for home, and we can run away from home.
• We can keep the home fires burning on the home front.
• We can have a homepage, be a homebody, be a homeboy, or just feel like staying home.
• Our homes can be homey or homely, whichever the case may be.
• We can have in-home child care and in-home health care, and we can have home remedies.
• We can shop at Home Depot for home decor, home construction, and home appliances.
• We can work at the home office, and we can have a homebase.
• When we become agèd and infirm, we are often shuffled off to a nursing home or a retirement home.
• We can be a homemaker, study home economics, and prefer things that are homemade, homegrown, and homespun.
• People of yore called their dwellings homesteads, and we often wonder about the homes of the future.
• Homecooking is best, but we love to eat out so we can bring the leftovers home.
• We can be homeschooled or leave home to attend school, but we always have homework.
• We can be homesick, and we can be sick of our home, which usually leads to home improvement.
• We can stage a home, and we can have a starter home.
• We can have a homecoming, and we can be home alone.
• Other places can be our home away from home, but there is no place like home.
• We can sing Home, Home on the Range and Green, Green Grass of Home.
• We can make people feel at home, and we can make ourselves at home.
• We can have a big home, a small home, a first home, a second home, a summer home, a mobile home, and a dream home.
• We can be homeless.
• We have a home planet, a homeland, a home state, and a hometown.
• When we breathe our last, we believe that God is calling us Home.