Movies 2009

1. Doubt--January 4
2. Gran Torino--January 17
3. Taken--February 13
4. The International--February 20
5. Madea Goes to Jail--March 21
6. Knowing--March 27
7. Duplicity--April 5
8. Fireproof--April 18 (special showing at my church)
9. State of Play--May 2
10. The Soloist--May 15
11. The Taking of Pelham 123--June 20
12. The Proposal--June 26
13. Public Enemies--July 4
14. Star Trek--July 11
15. The Hurt Locker - July 24
16. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince-August 8
17. Post Grad--August 28
18. Extract-September 5
19. Inglourious Basterds--September 26
20. Love Happens--October 2
21. Bright Star--October 9
22. The Informant--October 16
23. The Men Who Stare at Goats--November 6
24. The Blind Side--November 20
25. Brothers--December 4
26. Did You Hear About the Morgans?--December 19

Ready to Write?

Sort of. National Novel Writing Month starts in a week. I have a tentative . . . okay a solid plot idea, something I can run with. I haven't mapped it out or developed it in any way except in my mind, but I think I can make it work. I have so many other things going on, so we'll see what happens to my daily word count starting November 1. I like to write my yearly 50,000-word novel at night, which is also when I like to sleep. I'm barking mad I tell you!

I'm sort of, kind of, mildly excited about nanowrimo this year, and I'm open to creative and kooky ways to boost that excitement before next Sunday when the writing begins. I must warn you that I HAVE been a little off this past week or two. Not that being off actually relates to writing 50,000 words in a month, alone, in the dark, with that oh-so-fabulous laptop-glow illuminating my madness . . . er . . . excitement for passers-by or an indifferent husband to shake a solemn head at and to wonder if I'm brilliant or barking mad. By off I mean I've been making careless mistakes . . . in front of people no less, and I've basically made a fool of myself . . . in public! Ack! I really hate the inadequate feeling that goes along with such a public display of ineptitude. I've started taking a daily multivitamin, so that should help.

Prayers, Progress, and Papers

The fall semester is in full swing!

I'm still not sure how taking three grad classes will go as far as workload is concerned, but we'll see as the weeks advance. I've been doing quite a bit of reading (and even getting ahead), but I haven't done much writing yet. That will soon change. The good news is that I'm really looking forward to getting knee-deep into some papers and presentations. I know that last spring I struggled to find enthusiasm to write papers and to generally enjoy myself during this part of my academic journey. I have been doing a lot of praying, and I feel things are better. I can feel God guiding and directing me as I continually pray for my heart and mind to be open to His Word and to His Love. While I have had a few doubts about spending the time and money on my MA in English, I do believe I'm doing the right thing.

I rejoice in God's loving hand on my heart as I seek His Way.

As I slowly, but surely, make my way towards employment, I want to continue to seek His guidance so that I stay on the right path. Straying off the path is so easy, and getting back on the path is so incredibly hard . . . I know! I also know I can't do it alone. Having friends and family who pray for and with me and who Worship the Lord with me is a blessing!

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. ~ Philippians 4:4-5

A Little Ray of Hope

I took this picture last night when we were on a short break from our Renaissance class. This unassuming rainbow is something we haven't seen in quite some time. I see it as a sign of hope! We have been in severe drought conditions for the past two years. This is not a matter to be taken lightly because the situation is serious. Seeing this bit of rainbow last night made me smile as I lifted my eyes towards heaven to offer God a prayer of Thanksgiving.

Today, 09-09-09, we are experiencing thunder and a lasting and drenching rain...with more of the same in the forecast. I am happy that God is looking with favor on the people, animals, and land of south central Texas. Our hot and thirsty community has been granted cooler temperatures and life-giving rain.

Thank You!

The Reader's Habitat

I have decided to start a book club! Yeah, you read correctly! I'm starting another project that I really don't have time for. I was part of a book club when I was working, but this one will be totally online. I like that idea because I know how hard it is to get people together to discuss books. Who has time to actually meet? No one I know, that's who! And I want this book club to be global. I also want this to be more than just picking one book, reading that book, and then meeting to talk about everything BUT that book. That's what usually happens in those meetings . . . I know. This book club will be different.

This book club will be more about getting to know other readers and what they have read, what they are reading, and what they want to read. I'm not sure if the members, once the site actually has members besides myself, will want to read a particular book together, but we can work that out if it comes up. I like the idea of listing books on a profile and having people comment on them. I also like the idea of people introducing and responding to various topics/discussions. Unlike several book clubs out there, this one is not specific to any type of book or author. This club is open to all kinds of reading! I know some people who only read romance or sci-fi or mystery, etc., and I wouldn't want to exclude anyone. I want everyone to feel comfortable sharing their favorites as well as discovering what others like to read!

Even though I don't have time to actually moderate a book club . . . or even participate in one, I have decided it's a good idea. I like knowing what other people are reading, and I don't want to limit myself to the types of books I tend to gravitate towards such as Victorian and earlier.

One nice thing about this book club is that it will allow members to participate as little or as much and as often as they like or can. Schedules are tight, but books are fun! Need I say more?

Okay, I'll say more.

I'm not sure where this idea came from because I haven't heard anyone mention book clubs in a long time, but the idea hit me out of the blue yesterday while I was reading (of course I was reading). I jumped out of my chair and ran to the computer (okay, maybe I didn't run, but I walked fast and didn't detour through the kitchen) to investigate possible book club sites.

I decided on Goodreads.com (I was already a member, but I haven't participated in anything since I signed up). I think this site will work well for what I have in mind.

A few people have expressed an interest to participate, so that's encouraging! I have called this new book club The Reader's Habitat because I think that name encompasses all kinds of readers and everything that can be read and shared, and the name appeals to the anthropological side of me for whatever reason you care to imagine. The name sounds earthy and full of the human condition! The name also sounds like the little houses hobbits have in the side of a hill, which I would totally love to inhabit because they sound so darn cute and cozy.

It's time for me to hole up in my reader's habitat and get some reading done.

Just in case you want to join me . . .
http://www.goodreads.com/group/show/23893.The_Reader_s_Habitat

The Gulf of Mexico, Blue Skies, and a Little Bit of Sand

I spent a very short amount of time on the beach in Galveston this week, but I enjoyed it anyway. Ken and I are planning to go to Corpus Christi some weekend this fall to enjoy the coast without the throng of summer tourists and the outlandish heat of the summer of '09.

I love the salty aroma of the coastal air, the soothing crash of waves, the warm gulf waters, and the overwhelming feeling of a mysterious and watery world.

August 15, 1995

Today is my baby kitty's 14th birthday. O! Artemis . . . after almost 3 years, I still miss you tremendously. You will always be special to me!

Is it Time to Chat Over Coffee?

I just spent the day with a very good friend, Doreen. This is her last week to drive the "camera" truck that takes pictures of license plates to find possible repossessions. I know she hates this job, and the job has been something to pay the bills--but I'll miss our "ride arounds." She's returning to school this fall also--and we have indicated that a weekly visit over coffee is a must! We talk about anything and everything. Nothing is off limits so far, and I like that. We share a lot of the same interests, that's true, but the best part is that we laugh at ourselves, our husbands, and pretty much everything else. We talk about life, our pasts, our futures, books, family, and the list goes on and on. We talk about everything! We even talk about going to Italy together. I can't imagine anyone else I would like to travel to Italy with--besides Ken, of course. I think traveling around Italy with Doreen would be a blast. We both speak just enough Italian to be dangerous and hilarious.

It's also great to have a friend who doesn't judge no matter what I say and who understands what I'm trying to say, even though I sometimes make no sense at all. We just know what the other is thinking.

I have always been reserved even with the closest of friends. As I get older, I am discovering how important it is to talk about feelings (good & bad) and hopes and dreams with a friend. The conversations Doreen and I have would probably drive most people crazy. We jump from topic to topic at lightning speed, and we pick up topics that were dropped but not forgotten. I love that we can talk and listen at the same time, and we both know when it's time to stop for coffee. That's friendship!

Am I Crazy and Different? Yes, Thank Goodness!

Call me crazy, but I am actually looking forward to the fall semester. I know the three classes I have signed up for will be very hectic, but I am ready for the challenge. Don't get me wrong! I have enjoyed this time off immensely! I have accomplished several things on my list . . . not everything, but hey, I'm not Wonder Woman--although I do have a purple cape.

I have also engaged in a lot of rest and relaxation, and I don't feel guilty about that at all! When I am busy beyond belief in the coming months, I can look back on July and most of August and say, "ahhh, that was fun."

On a different note: I am trying to decide if I want to do National Novel Writing Month this November. I can't even imagine having the time because of all the reading/writing I will be doing for school. Grad school is overloaded with work, and the instructors are relentless with their high expectations. I mean really. I can only do so much in a day, even with my purple superhero cape. Will I have time to write 50,000 words in 30 days just for fun? I don't know. I do know that I get more done when I have no time to do it, so it just might be achievable. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

I may or may not go to Cairo, Egypt in a week or so. I am waiting for my friend to get expenses in order and time off arranged. I think this would be an awesome trip, and I will definitely have something to blog about then. Not a whole lot of blog-worthy activities going on right now. The most exciting thing going on is my virtual life on Farm Town (facebook). It has become more fun now that Doreen and Jessica are hooked and building their farms and we can harvest each other's crops. This game is so crazy addicting, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I love it! My farm is awesome!

You never know when opportunities to unleash creativity are going to tap you on the shoulder and tell you to paint, plant, write, sing! Okay, maybe not sing. That would be a creative disaster in my case. But what I'm saying is that I'll take a creative moment anywhere I can find it, and Farm Town just happens to be my creative outlet of the moment. It's all good.

When school starts, I guess I will have to cut back on my Farm Town fun. It will be difficult and so sad, but...hold on a minute! Uh, hellooo? It's a fake farm. What am I thinking? I guess I shouldn't be admitting that I play this game, but there it is - and I don't spend all my time playing fake farmer...really I don't! *big sigh* I also admitted to Doreen yesterday (when she texted me to find out if I was going to be on Farm Town any time soon) that I was knitting and watching Spongebob Squarepants. Yeah, I said it. I watch Spongebob! Doreen texted back and said that was why she liked me so much. She's crazy and different as well.

Okay, so now you see why I'm ready for school to start. I need to become a RWP (real world person) again--but not a complete RWP because no way am I that annoying in public! I hope. Am I?

SO . . . if I go to Egypt then it's Vegas after that and then school. Next week will be my last week of "I can do as little or as much as I want to." Better make it count.

Life is an adventure, and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it!

Ask no Questions, Get no Lies Told

I was going to steal a blogger's blog idea today and post 20 questions and answers about myself--and I wouldn't really make up fake answers like the title of this post suggests. I was halfway through the questions on the list and I lost interest. That doesn't bode well for my personality. Who really wants to know these things about me? I mean, who cares what I had for breakfast or who is on my "list"--whatever the heck that means. Besides, all the really juicy stuff is in the vault, and I threw that key away a long time ago, which means nothing that interesting happens me to anymore since I wouldn't be able to put it in the vault without a blowtorch. *sigh*

I do, however, enjoy reading questions and answers that other people put out there. People are so interesting. That's why I like to people watch--people are not only interesting they are hilarious. It's especially fun in airports and other places that attract a huge variety of the human race. When it comes to questions and answers though, I like to read all that mundane stuff about a person with the occasional "I didn't know that" thrown in. Of course, if the questions and answers are for someone I don't know then it's all new, and that's okay. I guess I could make up my own list of questions, but I can't think of any that would keep people riveted to their computer and occasionally saying, "I didn't know that."

Giddyap!

Please, please, please, please tell me I'm not the only one who struggles with procrastination, laziness, sluggishness, or just a plain I-don't-wanna-do-anything kind of feeling. Whatever you want to call it, I do not want it. I practically have to nag myself into getting up and doing things that need doing. I'm okay with the things that have to get done . . . usually, like the things to survive or to keep up the appearance that I'm functioning normally. But am I rushing around doing the things that should get done? Uh . . . no. wth?! Okay, I did accomplish a few, and I mean a few, things on my to do list today, so that's something, right . . . right? I need a support group or a cheerleader or something! Maybe I feel like this because it's summer and we have this freakish heat wave going on. Yeah--okay--the heat! I can live with that theory. I know it's not hot inside the house, but it's still hot outside. That counts, right?

A Barking Chihuahua and Facebook

Today was an extremely weird day. I am not even sure where to begin, so I guess I will just say it finally rained this evening. But the whole day was off and strange. This happens, I know, so I refuse to worry about it.

Tomorrow I will visit my friend, Sonia. I get to help her with her Facebook and any other computer questions she has waiting for me. She has trouble posting pictures and just using Facebook in general. Lunch first though!

Sonia has a yappy dog, Emmy, who refuses to let anyone speak above her high pitched barking. I think the dog hates me. That is weird too because animals usually like me--maybe because I am an earth sign or because I rarely make eye contact with . . . well . . . anyone, including dogs. Or perhaps I am too small to be threatening to anyone let alone a tiny, fat dog with blazing eyes and a knack for piercing my eardrums with her doggy warnings to vacate her territory. Anyway, this dog nips at my feet and barks in my face, and Sonia and I usually become hoarse from yelling over the noise. Tomorrow will be a good day.

Hello World

I have acknowledged that it is extremely important to speak (electronically or otherwise) to those you care about. This seems like common knowledge, but how many of us actually practice it? I do . . . as much as I can anyway. I never let Ken part from me without a hug, a kiss, and a "be careful" to send him on his way. What if . . . ? I try to acknowledge people when they send me a "hello." How many of us allow friends and family to fall by the wayside? I do, unfortunately--although not as much since so many people I know are on Facebook these days--but I know I still need to try harder! I try to be there or say "hi" or maybe throw out a short and sweet response every now and then. I responded this morning to my parents' email about our upcoming visit in September. They sent me an email on Friday, and I realized this morning that I never responded! Shame on me! They are too important for me to acknowledge them two days later. This shameful feeling prompted me to blog. I feel bad! I want people to know I care and that they are important to me. My selfishness takes over sometimes, darn it!

I have to work at remembering the importance of "keeping in touch" or just acknowledging people because I have a tendency to hermitize myself for long periods of time (yes, you can be a hermit in the middle of a crowd). I am reaching out a lot more these days, but it is not easy for me...it has never been my nature to put myself in such a vulnerable position . . . you know, reach out and risk getting ignored. I hate that, but I am working at not taking it personally. A good friend of mine took forever to respond to an email I sent a few months ago--I started thinking she was mad or whatever . . . I felt bad for a long time even though I really had no reason to feel this way...I know people have busy lives and may forget. I know she did not mean any harm by her unresponsiveness, but I do not want to be like that . . . I mean, I do not want to be the one who never responds or responds weeks later! Ahhh--the Golden Rule!

I must try harder to reach out to the people I love, like, and maybe just know slightly. Life is too short to be going about my business thinking only of myself.

Summer Vacation 2009 and my brobdingnagian list of things to do

I have not blogged much lately because my 17th Century Drama class has kept me very busy these last 5 weeks. Yay! the class is finished. I totally enjoyed the class though. I read some 17th Century plays that I would not have ever read, and I liked them a lot. I do not have problems reading old stuff, so I should not be surprised that I liked these plays. I especially liked learning more about the history of the time--cool!

But now I get to do summer stuff for the next month and a half or so. I am excited to accomplished some long overdue tasks. I have put off doing several things around the house, so now it is time. I am going to clean and organize the following areas: pantry, all of the cabinets in the house, especially in the kitchen and the utility room, master closet, both spare bedrooms, and my bookshelves in the study. I would also like to start taking down the wallpaper in the small bathroom, but I am not sure if that will happen right now.

In addition to all of the above (as if that is not enough), I plan to do these things also: practice my Italian, practice the piano, edit one of my nanowrimo novels, do stuff in the yard, post pictures on Shutterfly, read anything and everything, pray the Rosary more (I hate not doing it every day), write some actual letters to several people (real paper letters that you mail--yeah, maybe I will get letters back *sigh* because I love getting mail).

Yes, I am probably being overly ambitious or unrealistic about getting ALL of these things done in less than 2 months, but I am definitely going to try. I like a challenge, even though I am the laziest person on the planet . . . usually . . . okay, always. I am trying to kick that habit! Wish me luck!

Put the Lime in the Coconut

Here is the newest member of my deck garden: a Thornless Mexican Lime tree--also called Key Lime.

I am very excited about this tree. I like cooking with limes, and I like limes in my iced tea. I prefer limes over lemons any day of the week.

Decisions and Progress

I have just about completed the first week of my summer graduate class at UTSA: 17th Century Drama. I am thoroughly enjoying this class so far. I sincerely hope this enthusiasm persists for the next 4 weeks . . . I think it will. Even though I am grappling with several issues, worries, and decisions in my life right now (not necessarily related to school), I am happy.

I made an A in both classes this past spring. I do not feel I deserve the As, but there they are. I have been working on my attitude, and I am making progress. Digging my way out from the tunnel of my indifference has been hard, but I can see blue skies between the clouds, and I have struggled harder for other things in the past. I can do this . . . I am doing this.

June 11, 1994

Almost fifteen years ago, I received a small rubber tree plant from my brother-in-law and his wife--Jon and Barb. This unexpected gift arrived at our door with a note attached and addressed to me: "Welcome to the family!"

June 11, 1994. This was a very good day.

I still have that rubber tree plant fifteen years later. It is not so small anymore. I take special care each winter to ensure it does not freeze, and I water it regularly. I try to treat it with the love and respect I think it needs and deserves. This rubber tree is more than just a plant that gets bigger each year. This plant represents my marriage. It has grown in beauty even though it has seen its fair share of weather and just plain ol' everyday age. It thrives.

Like this rubber tree plant, my marriage to Ken is bursting with God's abundant gift of Life and Love as well as the constant reaching out to offer a reassuring touch full of sweet tenderness and devotion. I would not have it any other way. I am welcome in this family, and so is this rubber tree plant Y

Moonlight Walk Beautification Project: Garden Bench

I finally decided to drag the garden bench (with Ken's help) from the backyard to the front porch. This poor bench has never really served its intended purpose as a nice place to sit or a charming object strategically placed to beautify an area, and it has been subjected to all kinds of weather for several years.

These two before pictures were taken after I had already started sanding the wood. I needed to turn the bench on its end so that I could sand and stain the underside. These pictures show how the wood was very weathered from constant sun and rain throughout the years. The top of the bench was more weathered than the bottom, but all of the original stain was long gone--leaving our neglected bench to sit patiently in all its naked glory.

YYY

Here is the after picture. I chose a red mahogany stain rather than the oak stain that we have throughout the inside of the house. I think the rich color looks attractive next to the green metal as well as next to the brick and tile.

Ken was more excited than I expected when I finished this project. I am not really sure why he reacted so enthusiastically, but his praise definitely made me happy and ready to tackle the next Moonlight Walk Beautification Project: staining the deck!

Making the Grade

I have officially completed my first semester of grad school (master's degree). I have not received my final grades yet, but I am not stressing about that. I have decided that I will be fine if I make a B in one or both classes. I know I made all As as an undergraduate, but that was way too stressful. Making a B is OK! Actually, I think I deserve a B in both of my classes this semester. I struggled a lot to find enthusiasm when it came to writing my papers. I was not happy with any of them really. I definitely did not give them my best.

What bothers me the most is that I have no feelings either way about completing my first semester. I am happy that I can read and do whatever I want without a paper looming. Other than that . . . indifference. That is out of character for me, and I do not like it. I have decided to get more involved at school--like attend some lectures, etc. I think that is what I am missing. I have been so used to being on campus most of the day, every day. This semester I was hardly there except to attend class twice a week. I need to soak up a little more academic atmosphere.

I like this plan. I shall call it Plan B.

Let Them Eat Cake

Would anyone care for some fruit . . . or dessert?

YYY

I had a fairly nice birthday yesterday--not too much attention, just the way I like it. I absolutely hate surprise parties of any kind. I have been victimized in this way before, and I still cringe with horror when I think about it . . . seriously. I did have a birthday cake this year for the first time in a very long time. The cake was a surprise, but that was definitely okay with me.

So this birthday was low-key, and it went by sort of quietly: breakfast with my husband, Mass at 5pm, and dinner/cake with good friends. Very nice indeed.

Now . . . time to start enjoying my next year!

Say What You Really Mean

I have been bothered by something for awhile now, but I have not exactly known how to express it or even if I have really known how I was feeling and why.

I will start by saying that I like going to school and just about everything that goes along with it such as reading, analyzing and discussing literature, writing, et cetera. I also like the fact that Ken has made a name for himself in the world of pool. I can see that he is happy and fulfilled with his talent at the billiard table. His happiness makes me happy.

But . . .

While I enjoy having time to myself to read, study, write papers, etc., and I enjoy knowing that Ken is having a lot of fun playing pool, there is something that I do not enjoy.

I do not enjoy all the time we spend apart. I would never begrudge Ken's pool playing time, and I know he wants to give me space to study, but I miss him...a lot.

Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday I only see him for a few minutes in the morning because I am usually asleep when he comes home from playing in his league. This semester I have a class on Wednesday night, so I see him only for a little bit when I get home. The only time we have dinner together is on the weekend--and not every Saturday night if he is playing in a pool tournament. AND if the Spurs are playing on TV, well . . .

This pattern has been going on for quite some time now, and I find myself looking forward to those evenings alone. I do not mean to say I do not want Ken to be home. I definitely LOVE for him to be home, and I love spending time together on the weekends. But I have also enjoyed the evenings when I can listen to music or read in total silence. There needs to be a happy medium, but I think we have drifted away from that. I do not like the idea that we have both settled (a little too comfortably I might add) into this pattern. But . . . patterns can change.

I am looking forward to going to Las Vegas next week. Even though Ken will be playing pool part of the time, and the lure of the slots will be difficult for him to ignore completely, I know we will still have quite a bit of time together. This is important, and I am going to take full advantage of this time with my husband!

Navigating Rough Terrain

Hear the Bird's Song

Self-pity
by DH Lawrence

I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.
YYY
But now ask the beasts to teach you, and the birds of the air to tell you; Or the reptiles on earth to instruct you, and the fish of the sea to inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of God has done this? In his hand is the soul of every living thing, and the life breath of all mankind. Does not the ear judge words as the mouth tastes food? So with old age is wisdom, and with length of days understanding. ~ Job 12:7-12

The Moonlight Walk Natural and Effective Security System

The cute little needles on this cactus are a natural deterrent for all those robbers, solicitors, and maniacs who might venture into the neighborhood. You can see our cactus is spreading its wings and growing new pads with deceptively soft points. It is only a matter of time before the new pads bare their sharp claws. I happen to know firsthand how hurtful these vicious plants can be.

Many, many, MANY years ago, on a hot summer day, we put on our bathing suits and ran out to the backyard to play in the sprinklers. Mom had one of these wicked child-hater succulents in the backyard on a shelf (why she would have this around small children is beyond me . . . hmmm). Anyway, while I was whirling and flapping around the yard, I backed into that plant's prickly clutches - or maybe that evil cactus monster of 199 Peach Valley unfurled its wings, kicked off from its perch, and zeroed in on my tender flesh. All I knew for sure was that I suddenly had about a dozen of those razor sharp death needles in my back. My sister, Regina, donned her superhero cape and sprang into action! She swiftly plucked those points out of my screaming back and simultaneously blasted my skin with water from the garden hose to detract the pain . . . genius. Thank goodness for big sisters.

***

Beware the beastly menace lurking in our front yard! It knows if you are a welcome visitor or . . .

Back to Basics

Through my gentle touch and loving attention,
God will provide.

I shall celebrate this Easter Season by observing new growth emerging from the earth . . . new life: one of God's miracles. His promise can be seen everywhere, even in the tender foliage of my green beans.

YYY

I shall also celebrate this Easter Season by giving thanks to God for His loving desire to overlook what we truly deserve and offer us forgiveness and eternal life instead.

Paschal Mystery

"Dying you destroyed our death.

Rising you restored our life.

Lord Jesus, come in glory."

YYY

He is Risen! Alleluia!

My Conditional Utopia

Utopia means an ideal state or place, but it literally means "no place." No place sounds negative, but I choose to see it as positive. My utopia is not static and stationary in one place for all time that can never change. My thoughts and actions govern its movements. My utopia moves when I move; it's in my heart.

I am not blindly constructing and living in my own personal utopia; I have my eyes wide open. I do not believe my utopia is a bad thing, but I would be a fool to think nothing can clobber it or try to destroy it. My utopia is not unconditional--it must have a sturdy infrastructure; it must contain a dash of reality; it must have God at the helm.

I had a fantastic childhood, but my adult life has not always been a bed of roses. I have not been homeless, but I have experienced hardship: little or no money, hungry nights, no electricity because I could not pay the bill--a mild dystopia if you will. That time in my life was not as bad as what many people go through, but it was bad enough. I am a better person for it. I also know what it is like to have relationships thumb their noses at me and say, "so long, sucka." I am a better person for that too. God provides.

Marrying Ken fifteen years ago showed me that I can be happy . . . truly happy. God continually proves to me that I matter--that I am worthy of being loved.

My Utopia: I am loved by God, Ken, family, and friends.

The shield protecting my utopia has been battered and kicked (sometimes by me), but it has not been broken or shattered to smithereens. I understand that protecting my utopia, my dream, is an ongoing process, and it is not unconditional. My utopia takes a lot of hard work to sculpt and maintain, and it also takes reliance on God's Grace. Allowing Him to guide me and to keep me from falling into the 'nothing can touch me' trap makes my utopia a positive place to be. God knows me all too well. He knows how I like to stick my head in the sand at the first sign of trouble, so He is relentless in His lessons on avoiding complacency and avoiding selfishness; He is always telling me to trust in Him!

I may not like the arrows that are constantly showered upon my utopia, but I am prepared for their sharp points and ruthless marksmanship. I am aware that I am vulnerable and must be vigilant. God provides.

Yes, my utopia is a positive place--but only if I have a couple of windows in it so I can look out at the rest of the world once in a while, and only if I remember the conditions, and only if God is in the foundation, walls, roof, and everything in-between.

No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

A Little Knitting Goes a Long Way

Knitted Bolster Pillows

Here are just a few of the bolster pillows I have knitted in the last several years. Knitting with circular needles is so much easier than knitting with straight needles. And knitting these cute pillows is the easiest thing to do in the world. Just one skein of yarn, size 10 circular needles, and a pillow form and you are good to go! Once you get started, you just knit knit knit until it is finished. This is (was) the perfect project to get my mind off of . . . well . . . anything bothersome or just to give my brain a break from studying all the time! Therapy at its finest!

Unfortunately, I had to stop knitting these wonderful little pillows because they became like tribbles. They multiplied at an alarming rate and almost took over my house! I gave some away, but I have six left (only three are shown here, but trust me, there are more). The brown one stays on my couch, and the blue one is on my bed. The others are scattered around the house just waiting to bolster a tired arm or jump into my arms when I need to hide my face from a scary movie. I would love to knit more, but where will I put them?

Motivation

Noun
1. the act or an instance of motivating.
2. the state or condition of being motivated.
3. something that motivates; inducement; incentive.The psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behavior
(dictionary.com).

The first three definitions are useless, and I hate when a dictionary does this to define a word (except for inducement and incentive--these are good words, but they are not exactly helpful as a definition when used independently).

The other part of the definition is a lot more helpful. This definition tells me that motivation comes from my brain. It is something that is supposed to give me a reason for movement towards a goal.

Living the daily life is interesting and always full of surprises, and I do enjoy my life completely. Experiencing limited motivation once in a while is nothing new, but experiencing limited motivation to a freakishly huge degree is unfamiliar territory.

I am always motivated in a general, all-purpose way, but lately I have not been motivated in a specific, little detail way. This is unacceptable.

To See, To Know, To Believe

What do I see when my stripped down eyes seek yours? I see the Truth reflected in your enduring gaze. That all-knowing reflection does not diminish when my eyes close or when I look away; the Light of Love grows stronger with each glance. Each glance into your baby blues is a breath, a chance, a page, a moment, a step, a journey; I see God, and I see all of you and all of me . . . three. My eyes are flawed, but I see with clarity what I am supposed to see, what I am supposed to know, what I am supposed to believe.

My Patio Vegetable Garden: Day One

From left to right
Kentucky Wonder Green Beans, Roma Tomatoes, and Carnival Mix Bell Peppers

I decided to try the vegetable garden again. I tried planting a garden out in the yard several years ago, but all creatures great and small treated it as their personal buffet. I figure cultivating the vegetables in containers on my deck will help keep those critters from snuffling around looking for a tasty treat (although I have caught a couple of daredevil deer venturing up the steps onto the deck . . . hmmm). I also hope the birds keep away from the seeds because I do not feel like putting netting over them. The packet for the green beans is the only one that mentioned poles, but I put poles in the other containers--just in case. The tomatoes and peppers are supposed to be started indoors in containers. Well, they are in containers, and I guess they will be okay if I put them outside right away. If I have trouble with them, I will start them indoors next time. I helped my mom grow vegetables a long time ago, but it was her green thumb that sprouted all that goodness. I can grow things if I can just remember to water regularly . . . that is my downfall. I will try to be diligent this time!

Once (if) these vegetables start to grow, I will take pictures to mark their progress. I really hope they make it so that I can harvest some delicious, homegrown vegetables! If not, I will try again. I will not post their progress until they are actually growing and it looks like they will make me look like a gardener. This is going to be fun . . . I hope.

Wandering Around on a Blank Page

I have been looking over the things I have written in the last five months since I started blogging, and I am surprised. Oh, I am not surprised really. I guess the things I have reread just makes me wonder where my head is sometimes. I always feel so calm and levelheaded, so . . . nothing. Some things I have blogged about reflect the person I think I am, and some reflect a familiar stranger.

I actually felt the urge to blog this evening, but I did not think I had much to say tonight. I have been reading a lot lately because I have two presentations to maneuver, and I have been feverishly crocheting a baby blanket that is way overdue. I have also been harboring a jolly little secret that I may or may not reveal at some point. It is nothing earthshaking or wow-inducing, but it has been a thought-provoking, interesting, and educational experiment so far.

I have always been very good at keeping secrets, especially other people's secrets. Maybe that is why I have had friends unexpectedly talk into my shoulder. I have often wondered why a friend will occasionally pull me aside to reveal personal classified information. Do I exude a welcoming air that encourages people to spill their beans? I do not mind if I do because I know how necessary it is sometimes to reach out tentatively for that elusive, unconditional ear. I have never resented being a recipient of secrets. I welcome the unburdening of a heavy heart. A friend is not just a noun. I respect the privacy of others, and I respect my own privacy. That is why it has been such a 'surprise' to reread what I have blogged about or that I am blogging at all. I have logged my thoughts in the past, but I have never scattered my thoughts into the wind to float around and settle into the personal space of an unsuspecting audience.

I think this is just the right time in my life to start making at least a dent in that wall. Yes, I do have a wall, but it is not as bulletproof as it has been in the past. I have secrets. Some secrets will always remain in that faraway, forbidden chamber reserved only for the ineffable. Some secrets, however, must not be secrets at all because here they are making themselves comfortable on my blog.

Walking, Waiting, Whispering

Meet me in June on the bench near the olive tree.

If your walk brings you first,
wait for me and whisper my name.
YYY

Writing at the End of the Tunnel

I think I may be over my recent disinterest and sinking enthusiasm for writing school papers. Blogging has helped because it gets my fingers typing and my brain burning. I like to write--there is no question about that. I know I am not that great of a writer, but I do not mind. I can accept my writing as mediocre or unwanted or whatever. Why? Because I do not write to emulate the current literary canon or to please people who are unable to see past their culturally-injected expectations of what is considered 'good' writing. I write for myself, even school papers. I have no problem with people who choose to write within the confines of the acceptable theoretical school of thought merely because it is the 'in' thing to do. That is who they are, and that is respectable. But that is not who I am. I like to avoid lacing my writing with the approved buzzwords or the popular-analytical-theory-of-the-day. I have dabbled in that kind of writing, and it did not work very well for me. I am long over my envy of others who find comfort in that kind of writing--and who excel in that kind of writing. I am not saying I dislike structure or rules in writing. I am in love with proper English grammar, which is nothing but rules. What I dislike is trotting along with the herd coughing up paper after paper after paper that do not reflect me or my interests or my style. I am not a printing press. When I read a book for school knowing I must write a paper, I find something that interests me, and I write about it. Not too complicated, huh? I do not automatically say, "Wow! That is so feminist or postcolonial or . . . " You get the idea. It is okay for people to say this, but I do not say it, and that is okay, too.

Do not misunderstand, gentle reader! I enjoy poring over other people's writing, especially when it is very different than my own. I am fully aware that my writing is not interesting to everyone, and I do not consider my writing to be groundbreaking. On the other hand, I do not feel my writing is tumbled out like so many tins of predictably sweet peaches. When writing school papers, I am okay with having a minority view or even a view that simply skims the surface. I do not always feel the brain busting urge to find the earth's fiery core in everything I read. If a concept, view, or idea smacks me in the face or brushes me softly while I am reading, I grasp it firmly and write about it. I do not hesitate and ask myself, "Does this topic sound safe or acceptable? Will this idea thoroughly impress whoever is lucky enough to read it? Can I fit this topic into a desirable mold and fling it at my professor with confidence?" Oh no, I do not say that. I say, "I like this idea. It may be boring or non-theoretical, but I like it." And sometimes a professor seems to like what I write also--and not always because my papers are grammatically correct. I had a professor write on two of my papers that I am perceptive and that my papers are well written. Encouraging, but I had trouble embracing the compliments (I do not do compliments in general very well).

A few weeks ago I noticed I was the only one in my class who found something positive to write about Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot. Our professor likes to bully us into revealing our thesis that is typically stamped for professor's eyes only. I happily heralded my glass half full thesis, and I was rewarded with odd looks and some snickering. I did see the negative in the play, but I chose to focus on a positive little nugget tucked away amongst the dismal fallout of anti-Christianity and nihilism. Okay? For Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart, I wrote about the very straightforward anthropological topic of rites of passage. Boring? Not to a wannabe anthropologist like me. Like I said, I write about what interests me. This does not mean I am unique or different or special. This means I feel comfortable with my thoughts, ideas, and voice. I like what I write--not because it is brilliant, but because it is mine.

No, I am not necessarily angry about the mainstream school paper mill. No, I did not make a bad grade on a paper. I am slowly realizing that my writing (especially for school) deviates a little bit from the norm. I listen to other people's topics, and I question my own simple or non-conforming ideas. Some people's ideas seem so complicated or deep or theoretical. I do not like questioning my writing or my ability to churn out a 'good' paper. So . . . I have taken a long, critical look at what I write and how I write, and guess what? I like it. All writing has the potential to be good--including mine.

I want to write, and by golly that is exactly what I am going to do!

Travel Companions

Jessica, Ruth, and Lesslie
Life is so much more fun and interesting when you have good friends behind you.

A Little Light Reading

I have read a couple of things in the last few days that have set me to thinking.

This is the season of Lent, and I have been reading a little book my church gave out to help with daily meditation and reflection. Monday's reading (3/9) reflected on Luke 6:36-38. It starts off with, "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." The reflection talks about forgiveness and how we should forgive those just as God does. We should be like Him because we are made in His image. The last paragraph in the little Lent book for that day says, "Believing that we're made in God's image is one thing. Living up to it is another. If I'm not living up to it, maybe I really don't believe I'm made in God's image."

I read this, but I did not start thinking about it until last night when I read something else in a totally different and unrelated book - seemingly unrelated. This book is called Just in Case: how to be self-sufficient when the unexpected happens by Kathy Harrison. This book is essentially about preparedness. The book talks about how to live in your home if you are suddenly off the power grid or how to evacuate quickly, etc. It talks about food storage and various ways to prepare and cook food to sustain you and your family through a disaster or just a simple power failure. The part that got me thinking is when she said we should strive to maintain our health. If our daily lifestyle causes us to be unhealthy, how helpful will we be in a crisis? We cannot avoid all aspects of poor health, but we can control a lot of it. The passage that I found interesting is this: "Avoiding junk in all forms--junk food, junk entertainment, junk acquisitions, and junk relationships--will simplify and destress your life, which is key to maintaining good health."

YYY

What does it mean to me when I hear I am 'made in God's image'? I do not believe it means literally the physical because the human body is so frail and imperfect. The spiritual body? " . . . but, as he who called you is holy, be holy yourselves in every aspect of your conduct, for it is written, Be holy because I am holy." 1 Peter 1:15-16. I am called to be 'like' God . . . not necessarily physically because my body could never keep up, but what about spiritually? I need to work towards making my spiritual body holy just as He is holy. One way I can do this is through my physical actions. Forgiving others as God forgives is a physical step that can lead to spiritual holiness, but what else is my physical and spiritual body capable of doing to help me live up to the belief that I am made in His image?

Through faith, I need to maintain both my physical and spiritual body.
 Most people have at least some knowledge on how to make the body as healthy as possible given whatever limitations we are born with or destined to acquire--even though we often either fail or stumble in our attempts at good health or we do not try at all. But do we know how to make our spiritual body healthy as well?

I am made in the image of God, but what am I doing--physically and spiritually--to live up to that?

YYY

My body, while it lives on this earth, houses my soul, my spirit--the image of God of which I am. My body also houses the Holy Spirit. "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

How do I glorify God in my body?

Do I fill my 'body' with junk food, junk entertainment, junk acquisitions, and junk relationships? This junk does not maintain my body, my spirit, my faith. This junk does not maintain my physical body, and it certainly does not maintain my spiritual body that glorifies God and is made in His image! Junk food is easy to identify, but it is not always easy to get rid of. I try, and I do fairly well. Junk entertainment can be tricky. I gave up watching TV shows on a regular basis several years ago. I mostly gave it up because I started college, and studying did not leave room for a weekly commitment to TV. I am very glad I am not addicted to TV--a lot of the 'funny' or 'entertaining' shows are filled with bad jokes, bad writing, and really bad sexual innuendoes. And reality shows are a breeding ground for all of that and more. I neither need nor want these things in my life. I still watch TV, but it is limited to old movies, the History channel, the Weather channel, etc. But there are other forms of entertainment besides TV shows that lure and ensnare the 'body' and, therefore, do not glorify God. Which ones do I participate in?

Junk acquisitions can be tricky to identify also. What do I acquire that does or does not glorify God? Do these 'things' maintain or break down my body, spirit, and faith? Do I have relationships in my life that cause me to lose my way--physically and spiritually? What do I 'do' throughout the day that does or does not glorify God?

YYYYYY

Do the foods I eat build up my body so that I can maintain good health and be available to my loved ones? Does the TV program or movie I watch or book I read build up my spirit or faith or morality? If I read or watch something seemingly 'bad,' can I discover something 'good' in it that could positively affect my spiritual body? Do the 'things' I surround myself with create a healthy atmosphere and an environment filled with love and faith? Do I use Facebook, Twitter, texting, email, and parties or gatherings to maintain positive relationships with friends and family? I want to answer "yes" to all of these questions. If I answer "no" then they are junkyards for my time and energy, and they do not build up my body and spirit and faith. If I answer "no" then they do not help me to live up to the belief that I am made in His image, and they do not help me to glorify God in my body.

Therefore, I must look closely at what I eat, watch, read, and do every day. Some things may need to be eliminated, and some things may need to be adjusted or modified slightly. This is a very tall order, but I think I am up to the challenge. After all, this is the season of Lent.

Lending a Hand

I volunteered to help build a house here in San Antonio, Texas!

Habitat For Humanity. I already knew they are a Christian organization, but I did not know they build houses all over the world. I have always been interested in participating in this project--helping a low-income family by spending a small portion of my time building their home. http://www.habitat.org/

Last Friday, March 6, was my day to spend working on our assigned house. There are several houses being built on that street by other Habitat volunteers. Holy Trinity Catholic Church is assigned to one of those houses. On Friday, our group started on the roof, siding, and other outside stuff. The frame, electrical, plumbing, and slab had already been done by professionals. The volunteers get to do everything else. I am familiar with what goes on in building a house. I helped my parents build our house in Seguin, Texas when I was thirteen--we did almost all the work ourselves. I also watched the building of my current home. The process is not unfamiliar.

For this project, I just helped out where I was needed. I do not necessarily have any special skills, but I did what I could. We all did. I nailed things with a good ol' fashioned hammer--no nail guns for this group. I helped put up fascia. I even got to use a table saw. I was exhausted and dirty by the end of the day, but it was a good feeling.

YYY

Now for the not-so-good part. Yes, I am going to admit this. During the few days leading up to Friday, I just wanted it to be over. It is not that I did not want to help out a low-income family. It is not that I did not want to work hard. Actually, it was like anything else that I schedule myself to do. Whenever I have something planned that is outside my normal schedule, I just want it to be finished so I can go back to my normal schedule. Why is this? I really like doing new and different things, and I am not afraid to work hard or to put myself in new situations. I guess I am just a creature of habit, but I do not really want to be like this.

I suppose this is just one more thing I need to work on. Self-improvement can be so difficult . . . and neverending.

The Story of My Life in One Picture ☺

__________________________________________

South Padre Island, Texas--Summer 1992

Forty Days

Here it is: the first Friday of Lent. I have been struggling since Ash Wednesday because I want to find a way to help me really focus during this time. I desperately need to make some changes because my level of faith is not where I think it should be. I know it is a journey, but I feel that my pace has been lagging. Abstaining from meat on Fridays does help me to think of Christ and His suffering and death on Good Friday, but I do not eat meat on all Fridays--all year. I want to do more during Lent.

I do not "give up" anything during Lent (chocolate or whatever) because society has made a mockery of this tradition. I always hear people say what they are giving up only to hear them say they cannot wait for Easter so they can get back what they gave up. This kind of Lenten practice will not help me.

One of my goals this year is to become more selfless. Lent is the time I will reflect and pray on how I can accomplish this goal.

YYY

We had meatless soup this evening followed by the Stations of the Cross. I look forward to this time of year and these Fridays. I have many friends who do this also, and we have good fellowship. As we went through each station, I reflected on His suffering and sacrifice and what it means to me. I know that whatever "action" I chose to do during Lent to help me focus must also lead me to a deeper faith. This new Lenten practice must help me look at myself with honesty and humility, and it must help me to change. I want to carry this new "action" past Easter Sunday and throughout the whole year and beyond. That is why it is important I choose wisely. Forty days is double the time needed to develop and nurture a new and positive Faith Habit.

My forty days have begun, and I need to pull myself together and get busy.
I need to go into the desert.

One Small Step at a Time

I have been on a mission for a couple of years now to find ways I can help out this planet in my own small way. A little over two years ago I started using reusable bags every time I shop. It is a lot easier these days because more people are using their own bags - the people who bag the groceries are getting used to the concept. I used to bag the stuff myself because the person was either too slow or would only put a few items in each bag. I would say, "Load them up! The bags can handle it, and they won't slide around in my car!" I also try to reuse bread bags, etc. instead of using so many ziplock bags. We have been using cloth dinner napkins since early last year. I also take my own mug to the coffee shop, and I carry around my own water bottle and refill it at water fountains. One of my favorite sites is http://www.reusablebags.com/. It is amazing how easy some of this stuff is to do...now that I always remember to bring bags, mugs, and bottles wherever I go.

YYY

I have started using more products that are earth friendly. I am bound and determined to find personal products that are made naturally and that are not made from animals or tested on animals. I find it odd when a product says the final or finished product was not tested on animals. Does this mean the product at some point in the process (before it was finalized) was tested on animals? Hmmmm

So far I have tried Dr. Bronner's Castile bar soap in place of my normal body wash. The one I am using now is the one with Almond. I have not used the bar soap on my face yet, but I plan to.

I really like this soap! I have a special wash cloth in the shower that helps the soap work up into a really nice lather. The soap also comes in other natural fragrances such as rose and lavender. I can buy it locally, so I am going to try them all.
http://www.drbronner.com/

The other bar soap I have tried is the Kiss My Face brand. I have the pure olive oil one - it looks like a giant green brick! I must say this pure olive oil one smells yucky, so I may not get this one again. The smell does not stay on my skin though - fortunately, and I do feel good about using a natural product. The ingredient list (on this soap and Dr. Bronner's) is amazingly short and very easy to read! I have ordered the Kiss My Face trial pack that includes toothpaste, shampoo, etc. The story of the two guys who started this company is interesting.
http://www.kissmyface.com/

In addition to personal hygiene products, I have used the Clorox Green Works cleaner. The kitchen cleaner is good, but the toilet bowl cleaner does not work that well - it also stinks! I am still looking for all household products that will not harm the earth and animals but still do a good job.

I am glad that more natural products are available these days. I am trying to research them to find out if their claims are true about what is in them and not in them and how they are manufactured and distributed. I would hate to be misled into thinking a product is not harming the earth or animals just because the container or company says so. I am slowly transitioning over from those products with mystery ingredients that may or may not be harmful.

One thing I have noticed - these natural products can be expensive! But I think if I purchase wisely and use the products frugally I can manage the extra cost. I think it is worth it!

YYY

I have also made great strides in choosing healthier foods. Since I have never had a weight problem, my awareness of what I consume has not always been a top priority. I am very aware, however, of sugar in products because of Ken's diabetes. Since Ken's heart surgery five years ago, I have also become more aware of salt and bad fat intake. Several years ago I stopped loading my baked potato and salad with all that fatty glop. A dry baked potato and a dry salad are an acquired taste, but well worth it. These foods - in all their natural glory - taste wonderful! Ken did reduce the stuff he put on baked potatoes and salad for quite a while after his heart surgery. Unfortunately, he has since gone back over to the dark side. I guess he loves blue cheese dressing and butter/sour cream a little too much. I try to lead by example, but he does not always follow.

Lately I have increased my effort to find more food ideas that are earth friendly as well as body friendly. One example: I have found some soy milk that comes unsweetened (Silk and SoySlender)! I love skim milk, but it has so much sugar in it (lactose is also called milk sugar). Finding a "milk" product without all the sugar is a blessing. Ken can finally eat cereal without all that sugary milk spiking his blood sugar. The unsweetened Silk soy milk is also lower in sodium, carbs, and calories than the regular soy milk. SO...I have to read every label carefully! I cannot just grab the first healthy item off the shelf.

Informed and conscientious shopping can be arduous, but I am doing it with a happy and healthy heart!

This has been an interesting journey so far, and I know I still have a long way to go.

One small step at a time.

Woman of Intrigue

American Dreamer is a 1984 comedy with Jobeth Williams and Tom Conti. This movie is so corny, but I absolutely love it! I did see this movie in the theater when it came out, but I have the DVD, and I have watched it so many times that I have lost count. Actually, I am watching it right now as I type.

Why am I so entranced with this movie?

Well, American Dreamer involves several things that appeal to me: writing, travel to a foreign country, train travel, laughter, adventure, cloak-and-dagger mystery, and intrigue.

Kathy Palmer is a simple housewife with two young sons. Her husband, Kevin, is an accountant, and that is all he has time for: his accounts. Kathy enters a "Rebecca Ryan" contest. She writes a couple of pages (2000 words) in the style of the Rebecca Ryan novels that she loves so much. The prize is a trip for two to Paris for a week. She wins! Does her husband care? No. He also practically forbids her to go to Paris without him. She goes anyway--good for her! Kathy is no longer the meek housewife with no voice of her own. She is now Rebecca Ryan!

That is all I will say about the plot!

What I will say is that I admire this Rebecca Ryan. She has more confidence than she knows what to do with! Despite the 80s fashion with the big shoulder pads, this movie inspires me. I do not necessarily want to go to a foreign country and fall in love with another man, but I would love to go somewhere and be an amazing and courageous woman. I am not striking, and I do not command a room. I won't kid myself into thinking that every man I meet will fall madly in love with me. I am not Rebecca Ryan. But I can dream of running around Paris trying to solve a mystery. I can dream of "wowing" everyone I meet and make them wonder who I am. I will keep my eyes and ears open for an opportunity to become the courageous Ruth Jones, international crime solver and woman of intrigue.

Hey, it could happen!

Me in Five Words

I attended my British/American Lit 1950-present class last night. We played a game/exercise in response to our reading The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing. We were told to list five nouns/adjectives that we thought identified ourselves. We then had to number them from one to five, with one being the last one you would give up or change and five being the first you would give up or change. Keep in mind we only had about a minute to make our list. Here is what I quickly wrote down and numbered:

1. Christian/faithful to God
2. friend
3. peacemaker
4. happy
5. woman

I have thought about why, when told to think fast, I chose these five words.

I am a Christian. The interesting thing is that only two people (me and a young man) out of around twenty listed Christian or Faith in God on the list as the last they would give up or change. I consider my faith in God and His promise as the most important aspect about myself. I would give up everything (yes, everything) before I would give up that. Christian means "follower of Christ." It is easy to call myself a Christian, but it is hard to follow Christ and be truly faithful. I hope I can do both.

I am a friend. "Friend" should be the basis or foundation of just about any relationship, even marriage. That is why I did not put 'wife' on the list. Yes, I am a wife. It is a friend, however, that I want to be in all my relationships: wife, daughter, sister, stepmother, friend, etc. In my opinion, to be a friend means to love. A friend is someone who loves you and is there for you in any situation--even if the situation is inconvenient or unpleasant. It can be difficult to be a friend in any kind of relationship. I have not always been successful at being a true friend, but I try.

I am a peacemaker. I prefer peace and always strive to avoid conflict if possible. I believe people can talk through problems and not continually argue to see who is right and who is wrong. I also believe people should listen to what another person is actually saying instead of forming their response to what they think the other person is saying or going to say. I believe we should treat each other with respect, and that there is a right way to talk to people without degrading them or making them feel low.

I am happy. I am happy because I find joy in life. I love to laugh! I could have listed some of my not-so-positive attributes on my list above, but why dwell on those? Besides, in one minute, I could only think of the positive. I am happy! I also think that happiness is one of the many things in life that can contribute to good health. Even at my lowest, I can find something to be thankful for. I also like to hope that my happiness radiates out to include those around me.

I am a woman. This is the one thing on my list that I cannot change (except through surgery and hormone shots), but I listed it as the first one I would change. Yes, I would give up my womanhood first but not because I want to be a man. I like being a girl, but I would give it up first before I would give up the others on my list. It is interesting that I would even put 'woman' on the list, but I think it was because I was trying to come up with something physical--and I did not want to say short! My professor said that people often put on their list something that identifies them as a minority, hmmm.

*****

I have other nouns/adjectives that I would use to describe myself, but we were told to list only five words--quickly. I asked Ken last night for two words he would use to describe me. He hates doing this kind of stuff, but I managed to drag out some words. He said cute and nice. I told him those words made me sound like a puppy rolling around on the floor. Yes, we have a good time together because we are in love, and we are best friends-and I would not have it any other way! I picked sensitive and competitive for him.

This was fun and a little enlightening.