Wandering Around on a Blank Page

I have been looking over the things I have written in the last five months since I started blogging, and I am surprised. Oh, I am not surprised really. I guess the things I have reread just makes me wonder where my head is sometimes. I always feel so calm and levelheaded, so . . . nothing. Some things I have blogged about reflect the person I think I am, and some reflect a familiar stranger.

I actually felt the urge to blog this evening, but I did not think I had much to say tonight. I have been reading a lot lately because I have two presentations to maneuver, and I have been feverishly crocheting a baby blanket that is way overdue. I have also been harboring a jolly little secret that I may or may not reveal at some point. It is nothing earthshaking or wow-inducing, but it has been a thought-provoking, interesting, and educational experiment so far.

I have always been very good at keeping secrets, especially other people's secrets. Maybe that is why I have had friends unexpectedly talk into my shoulder. I have often wondered why a friend will occasionally pull me aside to reveal personal classified information. Do I exude a welcoming air that encourages people to spill their beans? I do not mind if I do because I know how necessary it is sometimes to reach out tentatively for that elusive, unconditional ear. I have never resented being a recipient of secrets. I welcome the unburdening of a heavy heart. A friend is not just a noun. I respect the privacy of others, and I respect my own privacy. That is why it has been such a 'surprise' to reread what I have blogged about or that I am blogging at all. I have logged my thoughts in the past, but I have never scattered my thoughts into the wind to float around and settle into the personal space of an unsuspecting audience.

I think this is just the right time in my life to start making at least a dent in that wall. Yes, I do have a wall, but it is not as bulletproof as it has been in the past. I have secrets. Some secrets will always remain in that faraway, forbidden chamber reserved only for the ineffable. Some secrets, however, must not be secrets at all because here they are making themselves comfortable on my blog.