Let Them Eat Cake

Would anyone care for some fruit . . . or dessert?

YYY

I had a fairly nice birthday yesterday--not too much attention, just the way I like it. I absolutely hate surprise parties of any kind. I have been victimized in this way before, and I still cringe with horror when I think about it . . . seriously. I did have a birthday cake this year for the first time in a very long time. The cake was a surprise, but that was definitely okay with me.

So this birthday was low-key, and it went by sort of quietly: breakfast with my husband, Mass at 5pm, and dinner/cake with good friends. Very nice indeed.

Now . . . time to start enjoying my next year!

Say What You Really Mean

I have been bothered by something for awhile now, but I have not exactly known how to express it or even if I have really known how I was feeling and why.

I will start by saying that I like going to school and just about everything that goes along with it such as reading, analyzing and discussing literature, writing, et cetera. I also like the fact that Ken has made a name for himself in the world of pool. I can see that he is happy and fulfilled with his talent at the billiard table. His happiness makes me happy.

But . . .

While I enjoy having time to myself to read, study, write papers, etc., and I enjoy knowing that Ken is having a lot of fun playing pool, there is something that I do not enjoy.

I do not enjoy all the time we spend apart. I would never begrudge Ken's pool playing time, and I know he wants to give me space to study, but I miss him...a lot.

Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday I only see him for a few minutes in the morning because I am usually asleep when he comes home from playing in his league. This semester I have a class on Wednesday night, so I see him only for a little bit when I get home. The only time we have dinner together is on the weekend--and not every Saturday night if he is playing in a pool tournament. AND if the Spurs are playing on TV, well . . .

This pattern has been going on for quite some time now, and I find myself looking forward to those evenings alone. I do not mean to say I do not want Ken to be home. I definitely LOVE for him to be home, and I love spending time together on the weekends. But I have also enjoyed the evenings when I can listen to music or read in total silence. There needs to be a happy medium, but I think we have drifted away from that. I do not like the idea that we have both settled (a little too comfortably I might add) into this pattern. But . . . patterns can change.

I am looking forward to going to Las Vegas next week. Even though Ken will be playing pool part of the time, and the lure of the slots will be difficult for him to ignore completely, I know we will still have quite a bit of time together. This is important, and I am going to take full advantage of this time with my husband!

Navigating Rough Terrain

Hear the Bird's Song

Self-pity
by DH Lawrence

I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself.
YYY
But now ask the beasts to teach you, and the birds of the air to tell you; Or the reptiles on earth to instruct you, and the fish of the sea to inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of God has done this? In his hand is the soul of every living thing, and the life breath of all mankind. Does not the ear judge words as the mouth tastes food? So with old age is wisdom, and with length of days understanding. ~ Job 12:7-12

The Moonlight Walk Natural and Effective Security System

The cute little needles on this cactus are a natural deterrent for all those robbers, solicitors, and maniacs who might venture into the neighborhood. You can see our cactus is spreading its wings and growing new pads with deceptively soft points. It is only a matter of time before the new pads bare their sharp claws. I happen to know firsthand how hurtful these vicious plants can be.

Many, many, MANY years ago, on a hot summer day, we put on our bathing suits and ran out to the backyard to play in the sprinklers. Mom had one of these wicked child-hater succulents in the backyard on a shelf (why she would have this around small children is beyond me . . . hmmm). Anyway, while I was whirling and flapping around the yard, I backed into that plant's prickly clutches - or maybe that evil cactus monster of 199 Peach Valley unfurled its wings, kicked off from its perch, and zeroed in on my tender flesh. All I knew for sure was that I suddenly had about a dozen of those razor sharp death needles in my back. My sister, Regina, donned her superhero cape and sprang into action! She swiftly plucked those points out of my screaming back and simultaneously blasted my skin with water from the garden hose to detract the pain . . . genius. Thank goodness for big sisters.

***

Beware the beastly menace lurking in our front yard! It knows if you are a welcome visitor or . . .

Back to Basics

Through my gentle touch and loving attention,
God will provide.

I shall celebrate this Easter Season by observing new growth emerging from the earth . . . new life: one of God's miracles. His promise can be seen everywhere, even in the tender foliage of my green beans.

YYY

I shall also celebrate this Easter Season by giving thanks to God for His loving desire to overlook what we truly deserve and offer us forgiveness and eternal life instead.

Paschal Mystery

"Dying you destroyed our death.

Rising you restored our life.

Lord Jesus, come in glory."

YYY

He is Risen! Alleluia!

My Conditional Utopia

Utopia means an ideal state or place, but it literally means "no place." No place sounds negative, but I choose to see it as positive. My utopia is not static and stationary in one place for all time that can never change. My thoughts and actions govern its movements. My utopia moves when I move; it's in my heart.

I am not blindly constructing and living in my own personal utopia; I have my eyes wide open. I do not believe my utopia is a bad thing, but I would be a fool to think nothing can clobber it or try to destroy it. My utopia is not unconditional--it must have a sturdy infrastructure; it must contain a dash of reality; it must have God at the helm.

I had a fantastic childhood, but my adult life has not always been a bed of roses. I have not been homeless, but I have experienced hardship: little or no money, hungry nights, no electricity because I could not pay the bill--a mild dystopia if you will. That time in my life was not as bad as what many people go through, but it was bad enough. I am a better person for it. I also know what it is like to have relationships thumb their noses at me and say, "so long, sucka." I am a better person for that too. God provides.

Marrying Ken fifteen years ago showed me that I can be happy . . . truly happy. God continually proves to me that I matter--that I am worthy of being loved.

My Utopia: I am loved by God, Ken, family, and friends.

The shield protecting my utopia has been battered and kicked (sometimes by me), but it has not been broken or shattered to smithereens. I understand that protecting my utopia, my dream, is an ongoing process, and it is not unconditional. My utopia takes a lot of hard work to sculpt and maintain, and it also takes reliance on God's Grace. Allowing Him to guide me and to keep me from falling into the 'nothing can touch me' trap makes my utopia a positive place to be. God knows me all too well. He knows how I like to stick my head in the sand at the first sign of trouble, so He is relentless in His lessons on avoiding complacency and avoiding selfishness; He is always telling me to trust in Him!

I may not like the arrows that are constantly showered upon my utopia, but I am prepared for their sharp points and ruthless marksmanship. I am aware that I am vulnerable and must be vigilant. God provides.

Yes, my utopia is a positive place--but only if I have a couple of windows in it so I can look out at the rest of the world once in a while, and only if I remember the conditions, and only if God is in the foundation, walls, roof, and everything in-between.

No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

A Little Knitting Goes a Long Way

Knitted Bolster Pillows

Here are just a few of the bolster pillows I have knitted in the last several years. Knitting with circular needles is so much easier than knitting with straight needles. And knitting these cute pillows is the easiest thing to do in the world. Just one skein of yarn, size 10 circular needles, and a pillow form and you are good to go! Once you get started, you just knit knit knit until it is finished. This is (was) the perfect project to get my mind off of . . . well . . . anything bothersome or just to give my brain a break from studying all the time! Therapy at its finest!

Unfortunately, I had to stop knitting these wonderful little pillows because they became like tribbles. They multiplied at an alarming rate and almost took over my house! I gave some away, but I have six left (only three are shown here, but trust me, there are more). The brown one stays on my couch, and the blue one is on my bed. The others are scattered around the house just waiting to bolster a tired arm or jump into my arms when I need to hide my face from a scary movie. I would love to knit more, but where will I put them?

Motivation

Noun
1. the act or an instance of motivating.
2. the state or condition of being motivated.
3. something that motivates; inducement; incentive.The psychological feature that arouses an organism to action toward a desired goal; the reason for the action; that which gives purpose and direction to behavior
(dictionary.com).

The first three definitions are useless, and I hate when a dictionary does this to define a word (except for inducement and incentive--these are good words, but they are not exactly helpful as a definition when used independently).

The other part of the definition is a lot more helpful. This definition tells me that motivation comes from my brain. It is something that is supposed to give me a reason for movement towards a goal.

Living the daily life is interesting and always full of surprises, and I do enjoy my life completely. Experiencing limited motivation once in a while is nothing new, but experiencing limited motivation to a freakishly huge degree is unfamiliar territory.

I am always motivated in a general, all-purpose way, but lately I have not been motivated in a specific, little detail way. This is unacceptable.