Saturday, April 4, 2009

My Conditional Utopia

Utopia means an ideal state or place, but it literally means "no place." No place sounds negative, but I choose to see it as positive. My utopia is not static and stationary in one place for all time that can never change. My thoughts and actions govern its movements. My utopia moves when I move; it's in my heart.

I am not blindly constructing and living in my own personal utopia; I have my eyes wide open. I do not believe my utopia is a bad thing, but I would be a fool to think nothing can clobber it or try to destroy it. My utopia is not unconditional--it must have a sturdy infrastructure; it must contain a dash of reality; it must have God at the helm.

I had a fantastic childhood, but my adult life has not always been a bed of roses. I have not been homeless, but I have experienced hardship: little or no money, hungry nights, no electricity because I could not pay the bill--a mild dystopia if you will. That time in my life was not as bad as what many people go through, but it was bad enough. I am a better person for it. I also know what it is like to have relationships thumb their noses at me and say, "so long, sucka." I am a better person for that too. God provides.

Marrying Ken fifteen years ago showed me that I can be happy . . . truly happy. God continually proves to me that I matter--that I am worthy of being loved.

My Utopia: I am loved by God, Ken, family, and friends.

The shield protecting my utopia has been battered and kicked (sometimes by me), but it has not been broken or shattered to smithereens. I understand that protecting my utopia, my dream, is an ongoing process, and it is not unconditional. My utopia takes a lot of hard work to sculpt and maintain, and it also takes reliance on God's Grace. Allowing Him to guide me and to keep me from falling into the 'nothing can touch me' trap makes my utopia a positive place to be. God knows me all too well. He knows how I like to stick my head in the sand at the first sign of trouble, so He is relentless in His lessons on avoiding complacency and avoiding selfishness; He is always telling me to trust in Him!

I may not like the arrows that are constantly showered upon my utopia, but I am prepared for their sharp points and ruthless marksmanship. I am aware that I am vulnerable and must be vigilant. God provides.

Yes, my utopia is a positive place--but only if I have a couple of windows in it so I can look out at the rest of the world once in a while, and only if I remember the conditions, and only if God is in the foundation, walls, roof, and everything in-between.

No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful and will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it ~ 1 Corinthians 10:13

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