Forty Days

Here it is: the first Friday of Lent. I have been struggling since Ash Wednesday because I want to find a way to help me really focus during this time. I desperately need to make some changes because my level of faith is not where I think it should be. I know it is a journey, but I feel that my pace has been lagging. Abstaining from meat on Fridays does help me to think of Christ and His suffering and death on Good Friday, but I do not eat meat on all Fridays--all year. I want to do more during Lent.

I do not "give up" anything during Lent (chocolate or whatever) because society has made a mockery of this tradition. I always hear people say what they are giving up only to hear them say they cannot wait for Easter so they can get back what they gave up. This kind of Lenten practice will not help me.

One of my goals this year is to become more selfless. Lent is the time I will reflect and pray on how I can accomplish this goal.

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We had meatless soup this evening followed by the Stations of the Cross. I look forward to this time of year and these Fridays. I have many friends who do this also, and we have good fellowship. As we went through each station, I reflected on His suffering and sacrifice and what it means to me. I know that whatever "action" I chose to do during Lent to help me focus must also lead me to a deeper faith. This new Lenten practice must help me look at myself with honesty and humility, and it must help me to change. I want to carry this new "action" past Easter Sunday and throughout the whole year and beyond. That is why it is important I choose wisely. Forty days is double the time needed to develop and nurture a new and positive Faith Habit.

My forty days have begun, and I need to pull myself together and get busy.
I need to go into the desert.

One Small Step at a Time

I have been on a mission for a couple of years now to find ways I can help out this planet in my own small way. A little over two years ago I started using reusable bags every time I shop. It is a lot easier these days because more people are using their own bags - the people who bag the groceries are getting used to the concept. I used to bag the stuff myself because the person was either too slow or would only put a few items in each bag. I would say, "Load them up! The bags can handle it, and they won't slide around in my car!" I also try to reuse bread bags, etc. instead of using so many ziplock bags. We have been using cloth dinner napkins since early last year. I also take my own mug to the coffee shop, and I carry around my own water bottle and refill it at water fountains. One of my favorite sites is http://www.reusablebags.com/. It is amazing how easy some of this stuff is to do...now that I always remember to bring bags, mugs, and bottles wherever I go.

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I have started using more products that are earth friendly. I am bound and determined to find personal products that are made naturally and that are not made from animals or tested on animals. I find it odd when a product says the final or finished product was not tested on animals. Does this mean the product at some point in the process (before it was finalized) was tested on animals? Hmmmm

So far I have tried Dr. Bronner's Castile bar soap in place of my normal body wash. The one I am using now is the one with Almond. I have not used the bar soap on my face yet, but I plan to.

I really like this soap! I have a special wash cloth in the shower that helps the soap work up into a really nice lather. The soap also comes in other natural fragrances such as rose and lavender. I can buy it locally, so I am going to try them all.
http://www.drbronner.com/

The other bar soap I have tried is the Kiss My Face brand. I have the pure olive oil one - it looks like a giant green brick! I must say this pure olive oil one smells yucky, so I may not get this one again. The smell does not stay on my skin though - fortunately, and I do feel good about using a natural product. The ingredient list (on this soap and Dr. Bronner's) is amazingly short and very easy to read! I have ordered the Kiss My Face trial pack that includes toothpaste, shampoo, etc. The story of the two guys who started this company is interesting.
http://www.kissmyface.com/

In addition to personal hygiene products, I have used the Clorox Green Works cleaner. The kitchen cleaner is good, but the toilet bowl cleaner does not work that well - it also stinks! I am still looking for all household products that will not harm the earth and animals but still do a good job.

I am glad that more natural products are available these days. I am trying to research them to find out if their claims are true about what is in them and not in them and how they are manufactured and distributed. I would hate to be misled into thinking a product is not harming the earth or animals just because the container or company says so. I am slowly transitioning over from those products with mystery ingredients that may or may not be harmful.

One thing I have noticed - these natural products can be expensive! But I think if I purchase wisely and use the products frugally I can manage the extra cost. I think it is worth it!

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I have also made great strides in choosing healthier foods. Since I have never had a weight problem, my awareness of what I consume has not always been a top priority. I am very aware, however, of sugar in products because of Ken's diabetes. Since Ken's heart surgery five years ago, I have also become more aware of salt and bad fat intake. Several years ago I stopped loading my baked potato and salad with all that fatty glop. A dry baked potato and a dry salad are an acquired taste, but well worth it. These foods - in all their natural glory - taste wonderful! Ken did reduce the stuff he put on baked potatoes and salad for quite a while after his heart surgery. Unfortunately, he has since gone back over to the dark side. I guess he loves blue cheese dressing and butter/sour cream a little too much. I try to lead by example, but he does not always follow.

Lately I have increased my effort to find more food ideas that are earth friendly as well as body friendly. One example: I have found some soy milk that comes unsweetened (Silk and SoySlender)! I love skim milk, but it has so much sugar in it (lactose is also called milk sugar). Finding a "milk" product without all the sugar is a blessing. Ken can finally eat cereal without all that sugary milk spiking his blood sugar. The unsweetened Silk soy milk is also lower in sodium, carbs, and calories than the regular soy milk. SO...I have to read every label carefully! I cannot just grab the first healthy item off the shelf.

Informed and conscientious shopping can be arduous, but I am doing it with a happy and healthy heart!

This has been an interesting journey so far, and I know I still have a long way to go.

One small step at a time.

Woman of Intrigue

American Dreamer is a 1984 comedy with Jobeth Williams and Tom Conti. This movie is so corny, but I absolutely love it! I did see this movie in the theater when it came out, but I have the DVD, and I have watched it so many times that I have lost count. Actually, I am watching it right now as I type.

Why am I so entranced with this movie?

Well, American Dreamer involves several things that appeal to me: writing, travel to a foreign country, train travel, laughter, adventure, cloak-and-dagger mystery, and intrigue.

Kathy Palmer is a simple housewife with two young sons. Her husband, Kevin, is an accountant, and that is all he has time for: his accounts. Kathy enters a "Rebecca Ryan" contest. She writes a couple of pages (2000 words) in the style of the Rebecca Ryan novels that she loves so much. The prize is a trip for two to Paris for a week. She wins! Does her husband care? No. He also practically forbids her to go to Paris without him. She goes anyway--good for her! Kathy is no longer the meek housewife with no voice of her own. She is now Rebecca Ryan!

That is all I will say about the plot!

What I will say is that I admire this Rebecca Ryan. She has more confidence than she knows what to do with! Despite the 80s fashion with the big shoulder pads, this movie inspires me. I do not necessarily want to go to a foreign country and fall in love with another man, but I would love to go somewhere and be an amazing and courageous woman. I am not striking, and I do not command a room. I won't kid myself into thinking that every man I meet will fall madly in love with me. I am not Rebecca Ryan. But I can dream of running around Paris trying to solve a mystery. I can dream of "wowing" everyone I meet and make them wonder who I am. I will keep my eyes and ears open for an opportunity to become the courageous Ruth Jones, international crime solver and woman of intrigue.

Hey, it could happen!

Me in Five Words

I attended my British/American Lit 1950-present class last night. We played a game/exercise in response to our reading The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing. We were told to list five nouns/adjectives that we thought identified ourselves. We then had to number them from one to five, with one being the last one you would give up or change and five being the first you would give up or change. Keep in mind we only had about a minute to make our list. Here is what I quickly wrote down and numbered:

1. Christian/faithful to God
2. friend
3. peacemaker
4. happy
5. woman

I have thought about why, when told to think fast, I chose these five words.

I am a Christian. The interesting thing is that only two people (me and a young man) out of around twenty listed Christian or Faith in God on the list as the last they would give up or change. I consider my faith in God and His promise as the most important aspect about myself. I would give up everything (yes, everything) before I would give up that. Christian means "follower of Christ." It is easy to call myself a Christian, but it is hard to follow Christ and be truly faithful. I hope I can do both.

I am a friend. "Friend" should be the basis or foundation of just about any relationship, even marriage. That is why I did not put 'wife' on the list. Yes, I am a wife. It is a friend, however, that I want to be in all my relationships: wife, daughter, sister, stepmother, friend, etc. In my opinion, to be a friend means to love. A friend is someone who loves you and is there for you in any situation--even if the situation is inconvenient or unpleasant. It can be difficult to be a friend in any kind of relationship. I have not always been successful at being a true friend, but I try.

I am a peacemaker. I prefer peace and always strive to avoid conflict if possible. I believe people can talk through problems and not continually argue to see who is right and who is wrong. I also believe people should listen to what another person is actually saying instead of forming their response to what they think the other person is saying or going to say. I believe we should treat each other with respect, and that there is a right way to talk to people without degrading them or making them feel low.

I am happy. I am happy because I find joy in life. I love to laugh! I could have listed some of my not-so-positive attributes on my list above, but why dwell on those? Besides, in one minute, I could only think of the positive. I am happy! I also think that happiness is one of the many things in life that can contribute to good health. Even at my lowest, I can find something to be thankful for. I also like to hope that my happiness radiates out to include those around me.

I am a woman. This is the one thing on my list that I cannot change (except through surgery and hormone shots), but I listed it as the first one I would change. Yes, I would give up my womanhood first but not because I want to be a man. I like being a girl, but I would give it up first before I would give up the others on my list. It is interesting that I would even put 'woman' on the list, but I think it was because I was trying to come up with something physical--and I did not want to say short! My professor said that people often put on their list something that identifies them as a minority, hmmm.

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I have other nouns/adjectives that I would use to describe myself, but we were told to list only five words--quickly. I asked Ken last night for two words he would use to describe me. He hates doing this kind of stuff, but I managed to drag out some words. He said cute and nice. I told him those words made me sound like a puppy rolling around on the floor. Yes, we have a good time together because we are in love, and we are best friends-and I would not have it any other way! I picked sensitive and competitive for him.

This was fun and a little enlightening.

Inspiration Doesn't Live Here Anymore

Why in the world am I having so much trouble writing papers for school? I never did during my undergraduate years. Oh, I guess I would sometimes groan and drag my feet when told to write a paper, but once I sat down to write, the words would flow out like water. The papers now are not that much harder or challenging, yet--just simple short papers and outlines. For some strange reason, my words come out like molasses, maybe even slower. I sit down to write, and I've got nothing. I force the words out, but what I write stinks to high heaven. This isn't a case of writer's block but of indifference. I just don't feel interested. I love reading the books and discussing them in class, but I can't seem to find the energy or enthusiasm to write about them. What is wrong with me? Why is the writer in me so sluggish lately?

I need some inspiration and fast!
 Perhaps some Thin Mints will provide some relief . . . or at least provoke a much needed smile.

Fountain of Youth

Okay, so this is not really the Fountain of Youth. In addition, this fountain is not in Florida, and I am not Juan Ponce de León. It is interesting, however, to look at the bubbles at the top of the water. Don't you just want to reach out and plunge your hand into the spouting froth? The pink flowers, the hedge, and the distant landscape make a lovely layered backdrop for the bubbly white water.
Penna, Italia

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The story of the Fountain of Youth is a very interesting one, and its legend actually precedes Ponce de León. As someone who has taken two archaeology courses and is very interested in archaeology in general, I would love to visit the Fountain of Youth Archaeology Park in St. Augustine, Florida.

Building a Home

I am so excited! My church, Holy Trinity, is participating in Habitat for Humanity--we get to build a house and help a family! I love how Holy Trinity reaches out in our community in so many different ways. I am very grateful to be a part of this wonderful parish for the last eight years.

On Friday, March 6, I get to help build a house--or at least the portion we can get done in one day. I may even have another opportunity because they still need more volunteers for Fridays (most signed up for Saturdays).

This is good news!

I'll blog about my experience on March 6 . . . if I am not too tired.

Sarnano

Sarnano, Italia

This beautiful town in Italy is where we (by 'we' I mean our class of 14 students and one professor--for a Renassiance Art/Literature class) stayed for the two weeks out of the four weeks in June 2007. This picture is of the Medieval portion of the city, and I took it from the balcony of our hotel: Ai Cerchi.

You can see the railing (not the top level) where I stood and looked out at Sarnano. I took this picture from the bus window as we were leaving. Taking the picture was a last desperate attempt to stop time. I know several of us were sad that morning as we took one last look at such a lovely place.

And this is Bar Centrale! This is where Jessica, Lesslie, Andee, and I sat and enjoyed a cappuccino and pastries almost every day--and where we met our fabulous British friends. We could look out at the piazza and see the goings-on in the heart of Sarnano.

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All three pictures represent something to me. I doubt if I can explain it properly--probably because I am a little confused about it all. I love this place, and I know the other girls feel the same way. After almost two years, we still talk about it and long to return. We had already spent four semesters of Italian together, but it was this trip that brought us together as friends.

The bottom line is that I look at these pictures and I feel happy. I am happy at what these images represent - even though I am not really sure what they represent. Ken didn't join me in Italy until after we had returned to Rome (three weeks later and after Florence), but I was happy in Sarnano. That first Friday I was incredibly sad and had to be alone. I missed Ken terribly, but I managed to rally by the next morning. We were in Italy! There was no time for sadness! Even though we spent our 13th wedding anniversary apart, I was able to call Ken on my cell phone as I stood in the piazza in Sarnano--and all was good. The three-week separation made me grateful that we are together (it is always good to be reminded), and I think he felt the same--he did email me every day, and he would add at the end of each email a countdown of days until we would be together. Oh yes, he missed me!

I am not sure I would feel the same about Sarnano if I should ever have the opportunity to return. I think it was the perfect place for me to be and at the perfect time and in the role of student. And the friendships that blossomed are invaluable to me. When I look at these pictures (and many others), I am filled with calm and serenity and just plain happiness. I remember the lazy sun as we sat under that canopy at Bar Centrale and watched the small world of Sarnano go by.

We all took a step outside of real life for a very brief time, and we had an unforgettable adventure!