Say What You Really Mean

I have been bothered by something for awhile now, but I have not exactly known how to express it or even if I have really known how I was feeling and why.

I will start by saying that I like going to school and just about everything that goes along with it such as reading, analyzing and discussing literature, writing, et cetera. I also like the fact that Ken has made a name for himself in the world of pool. I can see that he is happy and fulfilled with his talent at the billiard table. His happiness makes me happy.

But . . .

While I enjoy having time to myself to read, study, write papers, etc., and I enjoy knowing that Ken is having a lot of fun playing pool, there is something that I do not enjoy.

I do not enjoy all the time we spend apart. I would never begrudge Ken's pool playing time, and I know he wants to give me space to study, but I miss him...a lot.

Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday I only see him for a few minutes in the morning because I am usually asleep when he comes home from playing in his league. This semester I have a class on Wednesday night, so I see him only for a little bit when I get home. The only time we have dinner together is on the weekend--and not every Saturday night if he is playing in a pool tournament. AND if the Spurs are playing on TV, well . . .

This pattern has been going on for quite some time now, and I find myself looking forward to those evenings alone. I do not mean to say I do not want Ken to be home. I definitely LOVE for him to be home, and I love spending time together on the weekends. But I have also enjoyed the evenings when I can listen to music or read in total silence. There needs to be a happy medium, but I think we have drifted away from that. I do not like the idea that we have both settled (a little too comfortably I might add) into this pattern. But . . . patterns can change.

I am looking forward to going to Las Vegas next week. Even though Ken will be playing pool part of the time, and the lure of the slots will be difficult for him to ignore completely, I know we will still have quite a bit of time together. This is important, and I am going to take full advantage of this time with my husband!