La Vita è Bella

I try to focus less on myself by focusing more on myself. Sounds like a contradiction . . . doesn't it? It is and it isn't--another contradiction. Contradiction is just one aspect of how we live our lives--or maybe I should say how I live my life, since I shouldn't speak for anyone else. I am a walking, talking, listening, living contradiction, but I'm not unhappy about that. This just means I am alive and kicking and three dimensional. I make mistakes, recognize those mistakes, and work hard to fix them. I do not live in a vacuum, and I am positively and/or negatively affected by everything and everyone I come in contact with. I still have selflish moments of course, but I'm working at recognizing that selfishness and flipping it to selflessness. I constantly pray for guidance!

How do I focus less on myself by focusing more on myself? By way of explaining, I will tell you one story with two side effects:

Seven years ago, I finally admitted I was a soda-holic. I had been drinking Coca-Cola to the extreme (and not the diet kind). I realized my dependence on the caffeine aspect of it all when I tried to quit cold turkey. I failed miserably, and I became so ill that day I had to leave work early. I was terrified of that failure and the control caffeine had on my body and mind. My typical day centered around soda . . . fountain soda . . . from specific places. I was enslaved, and I hated this addiction. I became irritable if I did not get enough ice to last until I finished the soda. I had to get my third 32-ounce soda of the day after 3 o'clock pm so that it would last the rest of the evening. This was a sickness, and I drove myself, and more importantly my husband, crazy! I needed to quit this addiction (focus more on myself) so I could keep my husband from running screaming into the night or eventually dealing with an unhealthy wife (focus less on myself).

When I did finally decide to really quit, I didn't quit cold turkey because my body refused to do it that way. I slowly switched to canned soda, and I eventually pared it down to one can in the morning. Ahhh! the burn of carbonation in the morning--this part was going to be missed. In addition to soda, I cut out iced tea (I did not drink coffee yet). One morning in October of 2001, I woke up without a can of Coke in the refrigerator to take with me to work. How convenient! This was my first day without any soda. I had done it slowly, so my body adjusted quietly, easily, and happily. I was free! I was alive! I have since reintroduced caffeine into my bloodstream, but I manage it successfully. I have become focused more on moderation, not just with caffeine, but all food/drink. I am aware of what I consume--both the good and the bad--and I am happy.

One side effect of the elimination of non-diet soda was weight loss. I had no idea that sugar had become such a giant source of calories for me. I was not overweight to begin with, so losing weight was not on the agenda. I went from around 110-112 pounds or so to 95 in less than six months. Not a lot to some, but for me it was a little startling. I bought a scale when I noticed my clothes hanging on me in an extremely unflattering way. To this day, I weigh myself every morning. I was worried I would keep losing, but I bottomed out at 95 and eventually bounced up to 97-98 about a year or so later. I will never forget the brief look on my stepdaughter's face when she saw me for the first time since my transformation at her high school graduation in May 2002. She walked through the hotel room door and her expression said it all. Horror! It was gone in a flash, but I saw it. It may have been an unconscious reaction, but it made me realize the extent of the change that had occurred. Later that summer, on a trip to England/France, my mom reacted the same way, except she verbalized her thoughts, "What's wrong with you? Are you sick?" No, I wasn't sick--just different, healthier, and aware.

Another, and more important, side effect of eliminating soda from my diet became apparent when I donated blood. I have always enjoyed donating blood because I am O negative and I test negative to a specific virus--this means my blood goes to premature babies! But with the increase of soda over the years, my blood eventually started flowing like molasses. I was drowning in my own glop that used to be a healthy life source harvested to help premature babies. The girls at the clinic would try hard to get my blood to flow. They brutalized my arm, but the little bag would sometimes remain unfilled. If they managed a full pint, it would take 30 minutes or more, and I would leave feeling ridiculous--clutching my bruised arm. They couldn't use a partial pint, so I sometimes left feeling like the very sludge that had begun flowing in my veins. "Drink more water!" was the advice from a young technician when my blood refused to leave my body. Hmmm. At that point, I was already on my way to being free of caffeine and I was drinking water, but I started drinking more and more and more--a healthy amount. When I went to donate blood months later, my blood flowed out like Niagra Falls. Eight minutes to a full bag! La Vita è Bella!

I focused less on myself by focusing more on myself. I improved my health and the quality of my blood (focused on myself) and helped premature babies (focused less on myself).

Aren't contradictions wonderful?